On an episode of The Andy Griffith Show, rock-throwing hillbilly Ernest T. Bass descends on Mayberry in order to obtain a diploma. Using a map, Sheriff Andy helps Ernest study for his geography test.
Andy: The United States is bordered on the north by Canada, on the south by Mexico, and on the east by the Atlantic Ocean. What borders us on the west?
Ernest: Old man Kelsey’s woods.
Andy: No, it’s a big body of water.
Ernest: Old man Kelsey’s crick.
Andy: It’s an ocean.
Ernest: Old man Kelsey’s ocean.
Andy: No, the Pacific Ocean.
Ernest: I sure do know my boundaries good, don’t I?
Andy: You sure do.
Ernest: Just so they don’t change them before I take my test.
Fortunately for Ernest T. Bass geographical boundaries and names did not change that week, but they sure have changed since then, especially across Old Man Kelsey’s Ocean. There’s no more Burma, Ceylon, or Czechoslovakia. Nor can you find Rhodesia or Zaire on the map. And if Ernest T. was taking his test today, he’d be thoroughly confused about Russia, which became the Soviet Union, and then Russia again. But nowhere is basic geography more confusing than in the world of American sports.
In the National Basketball Association, Chicago, Cleveland, Detroit, Indiana, and Milwaukee are in the “Eastern” division, even though the Motor City is over 800 miles from the east coast. Memphis, meanwhile, is considered to be in the west, even though it is 1,500 miles from Los Angeles. Same problem with the National Football League which considers Dallas to be located in the east, where its division rivals are located a thousand miles away.
If you really want to get confused, try and follow the logic of how college basketball teams are apportioned to the NCAA tournament. In this year’s bracket San Diego State University, Auburn University, Washington State University, and Iowa State University were placed in the East region. Wisconsin, Vermont, and Colorado competed in the South Regionals. UNC, Charleston, and Clemson University went to the West, and South Carolina was assigned to the Midwest region.
And while I’m on the topic of college sports, nothing beats geographical manipulation quite like that of the Atlantic Coast Conference, which today operates strictly from a position of greed. It wasn’t always that way.
The ACC was formed in 1953 with eight charter member schools: UNC, North Carolina State University, Duke, Wake Forest, Mayland, South Carolina, The University of Virginia, and Clemson. This alignment made sense. After all, the member colleges were in states that bordered the Atlantic Ocean, all were within driving distance of each other, and League headquarters were centrally located in Greensboro.
In 1971, South Carolina got mad, took their ball, and went home, but they were eventually replaced by Georgia Tech, which was a perfect geographical fit for the league. Later on, Florida State University joined the ACC, and while Tallahassee was a long haul to the northernmost arenas, it was a logical addition. Unfortunately, all logic was abandoned beginning in 2004. That’s when the ACC opened its membership to Virginia Tech and Miami, and, a year later, to Boston College. Things then got really out of hand a decade later when Louisville, Notre Dame, Pittsburgh, and Syracuse were added. (Last time I checked, Kentucky and Indiana are nowhere near the Atlantic Ocean). And just when you thought the league couldn’t get any more convoluted, things changed for the worse.
The ACC’s new commissioner, Jim Phillips arrived in 2021 and was not content to leave bad enough alone. After moving the league headquarters to Charlotte and devaluing the Greensboro Coliseum as a regular venue for the men’s tournament, his next move was to add Southern Methodist University, Stanford, and UC Berkeley to the fold starting with the upcoming school year. None of the three new members have any geographical relation to the Atlantic Coast of course, but hey, who cares so long as they help boost the league’s fortunes.
The reason for all of this expansion is money, specifically TV revenues, but you’ll never convince me that bigger is better, or that diluting traditional state rivalries in favor of cross-country travel is good for fans or the student-athletes. You’ll also have a hell of a time convincing Ernest T. Bass that Texas and California are anywhere near the Atlantic coast or Old Man Kelsey’s woods.
Geography Doesn’t Matter in Sports
On an episode of The Andy Griffith Show, rock-throwing hillbilly Ernest T. Bass descends on Mayberry in order to obtain a diploma. Using a map, Sheriff Andy helps Ernest study for his geography test.
Andy: The United States is bordered on the north by Canada, on the south by Mexico, and on the east by the Atlantic Ocean. What borders us on the west?
Ernest: Old man Kelsey’s woods.
Andy: No, it’s a big body of water.
Ernest: Old man Kelsey’s crick.
Andy: It’s an ocean.
Ernest: Old man Kelsey’s ocean.
Andy: No, the Pacific Ocean.
Ernest: I sure do know my boundaries good, don’t I?
Andy: You sure do.
Ernest: Just so they don’t change them before I take my test.
Fortunately for Ernest T. Bass geographical boundaries and names did not change that week, but they sure have changed since then, especially across Old Man Kelsey’s Ocean. There’s no more Burma, Ceylon, or Czechoslovakia. Nor can you find Rhodesia or Zaire on the map. And if Ernest T. was taking his test today, he’d be thoroughly confused about Russia, which became the Soviet Union, and then Russia again. But nowhere is basic geography more confusing than in the world of American sports.
In the National Basketball Association, Chicago, Cleveland, Detroit, Indiana, and Milwaukee are in the “Eastern” division, even though the Motor City is over 800 miles from the east coast. Memphis, meanwhile, is considered to be in the west, even though it is 1,500 miles from Los Angeles. Same problem with the National Football League which considers Dallas to be located in the east, where its division rivals are located a thousand miles away.
If you really want to get confused, try and follow the logic of how college basketball teams are apportioned to the NCAA tournament. In this year’s bracket San Diego State University, Auburn University, Washington State University, and Iowa State University were placed in the East region. Wisconsin, Vermont, and Colorado competed in the South Regionals. UNC, Charleston, and Clemson University went to the West, and South Carolina was assigned to the Midwest region.
And while I’m on the topic of college sports, nothing beats geographical manipulation quite like that of the Atlantic Coast Conference, which today operates strictly from a position of greed. It wasn’t always that way.
The ACC was formed in 1953 with eight charter member schools: UNC, North Carolina State University, Duke, Wake Forest, Mayland, South Carolina, The University of Virginia, and Clemson. This alignment made sense. After all, the member colleges were in states that bordered the Atlantic Ocean, all were within driving distance of each other, and League headquarters were centrally located in Greensboro.
In 1971, South Carolina got mad, took their ball, and went home, but they were eventually replaced by Georgia Tech, which was a perfect geographical fit for the league. Later on, Florida State University joined the ACC, and while Tallahassee was a long haul to the northernmost arenas, it was a logical addition. Unfortunately, all logic was abandoned beginning in 2004. That’s when the ACC opened its membership to Virginia Tech and Miami, and, a year later, to Boston College. Things then got really out of hand a decade later when Louisville, Notre Dame, Pittsburgh, and Syracuse were added. (Last time I checked, Kentucky and Indiana are nowhere near the Atlantic Ocean). And just when you thought the league couldn’t get any more convoluted, things changed for the worse.
The ACC’s new commissioner, Jim Phillips arrived in 2021 and was not content to leave bad enough alone. After moving the league headquarters to Charlotte and devaluing the Greensboro Coliseum as a regular venue for the men’s tournament, his next move was to add Southern Methodist University, Stanford, and UC Berkeley to the fold starting with the upcoming school year. None of the three new members have any geographical relation to the Atlantic Coast of course, but hey, who cares so long as they help boost the league’s fortunes.
The reason for all of this expansion is money, specifically TV revenues, but you’ll never convince me that bigger is better, or that diluting traditional state rivalries in favor of cross-country travel is good for fans or the student-athletes. You’ll also have a hell of a time convincing Ernest T. Bass that Texas and California are anywhere near the Atlantic coast or Old Man Kelsey’s woods.