Triad Today

Over the past forty years I’ve been fortunate to interview a number of Hollywood icons, 99% of who were gracious, down to earth folks (I won’t name the other 1%). This past year, six of those wonderful performers passed away, so I wanted to recognize and celebrate them as we say goodbye to 2015.

DONNA DOUGLAS who played Elly May Clampett in The Beverly Hillbillies, passed away on New Year’s Day at her home in Louisiana. She was 82 years young. I interviewed Donna at the 2010 Western Film Fair in Winston-Salem, just days after the BP Deep Water Horizon spill had finally been capped, but not before discharging nearly 5 million barrels of oil into Donna’s beloved gulf coast. I asked her what she thought of the government’s proposed moratorium on drilling, and Donna said that would be bad because people in her area need those jobs. And in typical Ellie May fashion, Donna also worried about the “critters” who had been affected by the spill. Naturally we spoke of her time on the Hillbillies, and she recalled how wonderful it was to work with Buddy Ebsen. Then she ended our interview with a famous line from the show, saying “Y’all come back now. You hear?” That was followed by Donna letting out one of her famous whistles, which I had always assumed had been dubbed for her all those years. It wasn’t. Her whistle was authentic and deafening. My ears are still ringing. In her Hollywood years I was smitten by Donna’s outward beauty, and in her retirement years I was smitten by her inner beauty. Donna Douglas was simply a beautiful person.

JAMES BEST was an accomplished dramatic actor who appeared in over 80 films and 600 TV shows. He was also an acting coach, a director, a producer, and a painter. But he was best known as Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane on The Dukes of Hazzard. Jim passed away on April 6 at the age of 88. Over the past few years Best and his wife Dorothy lived just up the road in Hickory, North Carolina. They stopped by the Triad Today studio in 2012 to tape a couple of segments about Jim’s multifaceted career, and to promote his artwork and his autobiography, Best in Hollywood. My friend Norman Lloyd, who produced the original Alfred Hitchcock Presents, including a spooky segment in which Best appeared, referred to Jim as “a scoundrel.” The title was fitting. I asked the scoundrel to talk about the incident that occurred when he was a young contract player at Universal, and was warned not to date any of the studio starlets. Best failed to heed that warning and got involved with one of the actresses. “I made a mistake, but she was so beautiful, I mean, she had been on the cover of Look magazine. But she was a blabber mouth, and she came back to the studio and told everyone that she had been out with me. All of a sudden the studio bosses called me in to their office. (Needless to say) they didn’t give me a raise (laughs).”

I also asked Jim to tell me about his not so authentic guitar playing on an episode of The Andy Griffith Show. “I’m not in the habit of lying unless it’s really important (laughs), but when the producer asked if I played the guitar, I said, ‘Are you kidding? I have two guitars!” Well I got on set and we started to film, and the Director told me to play a piece of music and I told him I couldn’t play it. “You lied. You said you could play the guitar,” he shouted. “No, I said I HAD two guitars” (laughs).

James Best was a relevant part of our pop culture for seven decades, and a scoundrel to the end. He will be missed.

JAYNE MEADOWS was often confused with her younger sister Audrey who played Alice in The Honeymooners. But Jayne was an accomplished actress in her own right, and one of TV’s best game show panelists. She was also married to my hero/mentor, the great Steve Allen who invented the late night talk show. The couple teamed up often, appearing in such shows as Diagnosis Murder and St. Elsewhere. Jayne died on April 26 at the age of 95.

I first met Jayne and Steve in the late 1990’s when it fell upon me to arrange for the couple to attend a party for retiring CBS studio boss Bernie Oseransky. Jayne was always dressed to the nines and gave off an aristocratic air, but inside she was a very warm person who could do subtle comedy better than just about anyone. She not only loved Steve, but she understood his legacy. I once confessed to her that I was nervous the first time I met her husband. “Jayne I’ve interviewed hundreds of celebrities, but—” She interrupted me and said, “I know. He’s Steve Allen.”

Jayne Meadows was a consummate professional and an underrated actress. It was an honor to know her.

DICK VAN PATTEN was one of the last Hollywood stars who excelled in every facet of show business, from radio and theatre, to film and television. He was also an author and an entrepreneur. But Dick was perhaps most famous for his role as the patriarch in Eight is Enough. Dick passed away on June 23. He was 86 years old.

I first got to know Dick when he appeared at a “TV Dads” event which I moderated for the Television Academy back in 2009. Because he was soft spoken, most people assumed that Dick was an introverted man. But don’t tell that to anyone who ever competed against him in a game of tennis or poker. He also had a great sense of humor, and was a master storyteller. I laughed as he told about the baby alligator he kept in his tub when he was a little boy, and he cracked up our audience when recalling his reaction to his Father telling him the “facts of life”. Said Dick, “I thought to myself, boy I hope he’s right (laughs).”

But nothing will ever top the time I asked Dick if it was true that at age 16 he dated a stripper who made him get a tattoo. “Yeah that’s true. It was on my arm, it was a horseshoe. She made me get it. It was stupid (laughs). She said, ‘I bet you’re not brave enough to get a tattoo.’ And I said, ‘No I’m brave enough.’ I was trying to impress her, and in those days they didn’t have electric needles, they used a real needle, and I can’t stand blood. And the blood is streaming down my arm, and she says, ‘Does it hurt you?’ , and I said ‘No, no.’ What a dopey thing to do. And then I thought after all that, I’d get to make out with her or something. NOTHING!”

Dick’s little co-star Adam Rich once told me, “Dick is one of the nicest people you’d ever wish to meet.” He’s right.

MARTY INGELS was a comedy genius who regrettably only starred in one sitcom, “I’m Dickens, He’s Fenster”. The show about two handymen only had a short run in the early 1960’s, after which Marty was in demand as a guest star in shows like The Addams Family, all the way up to CSI, covering a period of six decades. Along the way he also became a Hollywood agent, and later, had steady work as a voice over talent. He died on October 21 at the age of 79.

I first met Marty through his Oscar winning wife Shirley Jones, who is best known to younger audiences as the singing Mom in The Partridge Family. Over the years, Pam and I kept in touch regularly with Marty and Shirley, including a visit to their home in Encino. Marty and I became frequent email pals in which I would write something funny, then he would respond with an even funnier quip. I will also miss the annual holiday cards which featured Shirley and Marty in hilarious poses. The last one pictured Marty with tape over his mouth and Shirley saying, “It was a quiet Christmas.” Rest in peace, Pal.

MARJORIE LORD was one of the most naturally beautiful actresses in the history of Hollywood, first appearing in B Westerns and mysteries, and later achieving stardom as the wife of Danny Thomas on the hit TV series Make Room for Daddy. As a young boy I had a major crush on Marjorie, but I didn’t realize that a nine year old boy was not allowed to marry a woman 35 years his senior. Bummer. I eventually got to meet my “crush” in 2008 when Maggie participated in my “TV Moms” event for the Television Academy. She was 90 at the time and still beautiful. Marjorie Lord passed away on November 28. She was 97.

During the “TV Moms” event I asked Marjorie to comment on the age-old double standard of aging that plagues actresses. “When I was in my 40s, I was playing 27 year old people on stage, but if they printed in the paper that I was in my 40s, it would be harder for the audience to buy me as a young woman. And you would never tell a producer your real age, because he gets that age fixed in his mind. So we were very quiet about our age back then.”

Maggie’s daughter, actress Anne Archer told me that her mother had “an inner beauty that radiated in everything she did.” Angela Cartwright, who played Lord’s daughter in Daddy, and appeared in The Sound of Music and Lost in Space, said of her co-star, “Marjorie always made me feel so loved and comfortable…I thought she was a princess.” I couldn’t agree more.

(Books by Marjorie, Dick, Marty, and James are available on Amazon.com., while interviews with Donna, James, and Dick can be viewed on JimLongworth.com)
 
 

As we celebrate and enjoy this holiday season, let’s not forget that there are people beyond our immediate circle of family and friends who could benefit from our love and generosity. Over the past decade, I’ve been able to showcase scores of community organizations on my “Triad Today” television show, and in the process, I’ve learned that there are several ways we can help these agencies help others. The first is to donate goods. Second is to donate money. And, third is to donate our time. Of course, some nonprofit groups can benefit from all three types of giving. Here, in no particular order, are just a few organizations to which you might lend your support.

Second Harvest Food Bank of Northwest NC: Unfortunately, the Piedmont Triad has one of the worst hunger problems in the nation, and that includes the problem of childhood hunger. One reason is that we are still not fully recovered from the Recession of 2008, and in an economic downturn, many people are either unemployed or underemployed. That translates into an increasing number of families without money for food. The Second Harvest Food Bank distributes food to churches and nonprofit agencies that feed hungry people in an 18 county area. You can write a check directly to the food bank, and you can drop-off non-perishable food items at a number of locations in our area. For more information call 784- 5770, or visit HungerNWNC.org.

Goodwill Industries of Northwest NC: Each year, over 45,000 people in Northwest NC are served by workforce development programs that are administered by Goodwill. Those programs are supported in part by the items we donate, which are then sold at Goodwill retail stores. That means, the more items you donate, the more people will get back to work. Goodwill also welcomes monetary donations. For more information call 724-3621, or visit GoodwillNWNC.org.

Senior Services, Inc. operates an Adult Day Care facility, and offers a number of services to elderly citizens and their families. Their signature program is Meals on Wheels, and since 1962, volunteers of all ages have delivered over four million hot lunches to shut-ins, regardless of their ability to pay. Monetary donations are always welcome, and volunteers are always needed. For more information, call 725-0907, or visit SeniorServices.org.

Cancer Services, Inc.: Their stated mission is “to enhance quality of life for those living with cancer, and to provide the gift of life through education”. Their services include patient advocacy, medication and financial assistance, providing equipment and supplies, offering peer support groups, and much more. 90% of funds donated to Cancer Services, Inc. goes directly to providing client services. In addition to money, you can also donate used equipment and supplies. Call 760-9983, or visit CancerServicesOnline.org.

Greensboro Urban Ministry is on the front lines when it comes to providing emergency assistance. Greensboro Urban Ministry provides homeless families in Guilford County a safe, temporary environment. They also operate a food bank, and offer a chaplaincy service. Volunteers are needed to prepare and serve meals, manage shelters, tutor children, and perform a variety of other duties. Monetary donations are also much appreciated. Call 271-5959, or visit GreensboroUrbanMinistry.org.

Hospice: There are a number of hospice programs throughout our region, and all of them are in need of volunteers to aid in the care of patients, and to comfort families. Mountain Valley Hospice, for example, serves a 16 county area in NC and Virginia, offering personalized care to patients at the end of life. Due to the vast geographical area they serve, MVHPC maintains six regional offices, and operates the Woltz Hospice Home. They also specialize in care for terminally ill children and veterans. This month, MVHPC is breaking ground for a new hospice home in Yadkin County, which will be funded by grants and local donations. To give money or inquire about volunteering, call 1-888 789-2922, or visit MtnValleyHospice.org.

The Winston-Salem Foundation, and the Community Foundation of Greater Greensboro: Thanks to the generosity of donors, these two historic Foundations are able to issue scores of community grants every year that go to support a variety of organizations and activities engaged in everything from offering scholarships, to promoting economic development. Both Foundations assist families and individuals who wish to establish charitable trusts and special funds. For general information, visit CFGG.org and WSFoundation.org.

The Petty Family Foundation: NASCAR legend Richard Petty and his family support a number of charitable organizations and specialized programs, including Paralyzed Veterans of America and Victory Junction Camp, the latter of which provides an uplifting experience for children with severe disabilities and terminal illnesses. To make a donation or learn more, visit PettyFamilyFoundation.org.

Carolina Donor Services and Red Cross … There can be no greater gift at this holiday season than the gift of life, and that’s why you might consider donating blood, and signing a donor card. Either gesture requires only a few minutes of your time, and will almost certainly result in saving someone’s life in the future. You can reach Carolina Donor Services at 1-800 200-2672, or at CarolinaDonorServices.org. You can call the Red Cross at 333-2111, or via the internet at GSORedCross.org.

Please remember that your donations of time, money, or goods to area community organizations is vitally important, not just now, but throughout the coming year. It’s also a way for us to expand the circle of people we care about, and that’s something worth celebrating in this season of giving.
 
 

Congratulations! By now you have been forced to decide what kind of health insurance to purchase for 2016, and if you choose not to choose, you will be fined up to 2.5 percent of your income. But never fear because President Obama said that we can keep the plan we had. Oh wait, that’s no longer true. He also said that our premiums wouldn’t increase by more than 10 percent. Again, not true. Depending upon where you live, premiums are going to rise by 25 to 50 percent. Then there’s the part where he said we would never be turned down for coverage.

That’s sort of true, and sort of not true. Yes, you can get coverage, but if you can’t afford the premiums, your insurance will be canceled. And even if you can make the monthly payments, if you or a loved one has a prolonged or catastrophic illness, you still have to pay the deductible, and (under most plans) up to 20 percent of the hospital bill. That means if your hospital bill is $50,000, you’d have to come up with about $12,000. Perhaps I’m missing something here, but most families don’t have $12,000 lying around.

So how can the deck continue to be stacked against individuals and families under the so-called Affordable Care Act? Because the healthcare system itself has not been reformed. For the sake of brevity, let’s just focus on the actual cost of insurance. If Blue Cross wants to raise our premiums by more than 10 percent, all they have to do is write a justification report to the State, then they pretty much get whatever they want. That’s because most State Insurance Commissioners either can’t or won’t do anything to prevent the increase. Says one healthcare expert, Professor Timothy Jost of Washington & Lee University, “Nothing in the Affordable Care Act prohibits them (insurers) from proceeding.”

Perhaps President Obama should have fought to include rate hike protections in his reform package, but I doubt Congress would have approved them anyway. It’s a moot point, anyway. According to Washington State Insurance Commissioner Stephanie Marquis, “The large cost driver in what people are paying does not have to do with healthcare reform … it would continue to happen regardless of whether we had healthcare reform.”

Earlier this year, correspondent Robert Pear wrote in the New York Times that Blue Cross Blue Shield has sought (and will probably get) rate increases that average 23 percent in Illinois, 31 percent in Oklahoma, 36 percent in Tennessee, 37 percent in Kansas, and 54 percent in Minnesota. Pear also reported that here in North Carolina, Big Blue has asked for an average 25 percent rate hike, but many people with individual plans are experiencing as much as a 50 percent jump in monthly premiums.

There’s no way to justify or sugarcoat what Blue Cross is doing. They can try and explain their exorbitant rate increases by blaming doctors and hospitals, but the truth is Blue Cross Blue Shield is guilty of price gouging, pure and simple. And price gouging is illegal. Generally speaking, we only hear about price gouging during or immediately after a natural disaster, such as when a gas station operator jacked up his prices after two gulf oil refineries were knocked off-line following Hurricane Katrina. But even during disasters we’re not always protected against price gouging. CBS Money Watch reported that after superstorm Sandy hit the east coast, only 7 of the 13 states struck by the storm had laws against price gouging. Today, 34 states have laws in place, including here in North Carolina. The question is, will they enforce them?

North Carolina General Statute 75-38 prohibits, “excessive pricing during states of disaster, states of emergency, or abnormal market disruptions.” So far, Attorney General Roy Cooper has a pretty good track record when it comes to punishing companies for price gouging during a natural disaster, but he’s never lifted a finger to stop Blue Cross from gouging its customers, even during and following the great recession of 2008. And if that recession doesn’t constitute a market disruption, then I don’t know what does. Millions of people lost their jobs, and families are still struggling to recover.

The obvious long-term fix to our healthcare crisis is to adopt Sen. Bernie Sanders’ solution, a system of so-called “Medicare for all.” The fact is nearly every other industrialized nation in the world offers its citizens free healthcare, so why not us? Yes, those systems are funded by taxes, and yes there can be a waiting list for certain types of non-emergency surgery, but at least people in those countries don’t lose their homes and their savings trying to pay for healthcare. Here in the land of the free, the number one reason for personal bankruptcy is medical bills, and that is a disgrace. At most, it will take a miracle for Congress to pass Sanders’ plan. At the very least it will take a long time. And so, in the meantime, there are a couple of quick fixes that can prevent financial ruin for the average family.

One solution is to legislate a cap on insurance premiums. This approach is not without precedent. Back in 2013 when states were trying to get a handle on how to implement ACA, Maryland’s Attorney General Douglas Gansler and the Maryland Insurance Administration sought a cap of 5 percent on health insurance premiums until such time as it became clear what the actual price tag of ACA would be. Gansler’s actions were precipitated by Care First Blue Cross Blue Shield’s attempt to raise premiums by up to 150 percent.

Another short-term solution is for states to enforce their own laws against price gouging. If he broadly interpreted and applied statute 75-38, Attorney General Cooper could unilaterally drop a fly into Big Blue’s greedy ointment. Of course, such an action would be challenged by BCBS, and perhaps eventually struck down by the courts, but you don’t know if a solution will work unless you try. Right now, families in North Carolina need an advocate who will stand up to insurance monopolies. Roy Cooper could be that advocate, especially since he needs our help to get a job promotion next fall. Maybe we just need to gouge him a little.
 
 

Throughout the last few Presidential election cycles, immigration was a hot button issue, primarily because a majority of Americans believed that Mexicans were taking our jobs, and draining our capacity for social services. This year, Presidential candidates are still talking about immigration, but for a very different reason. For one thing, recent data suggests that more Mexicans are leaving the United States than are coming here. For another, our political discussions about immigration now focus on security rather than on economics. This recent shift in discourse dates back several years to the escalation of Syria’s civil war, where conditions are so bad that nine million Syrians have fled their homeland for the promise of a better life in Europe and beyond.

On September 20 of this year, Secretary of State John Kerry announced that the U.S. would accept up to 100,000 Syrian refugees by the end of 2016. Conservative members of Congress balked, saying it would be easy for terrorists to slip into our country by claiming to be Syrian refugees. Then, last month, the debate boiled over when terrorists staged multiple bombing attacks on Paris. Suddenly the anti-immigration rhetoric here escalated, both inside the beltway and throughout the heartland. Congress acted quickly to introduce HR 4038, the so-named “American Security Against Foreign Enemies Act.” The bill would prevent Syrian or Iraqi refugees from entering the United States unless they are first cleared by a conglomerate of government agencies, including the FBI, Homeland Security, and the Director of National Intelligence. If that group gives unanimous approval, then a refugee would still be subjected to the normal battery of hurdles that are already in place.

But HR 4038 was also precipitated by a debate about full disclosure. Even before the Paris attacks occurred, North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory and thirty other State Governors were demanding that President Obama stop allowing any more Syrian or Iraqi refugees into this country until the Feds started sharing complete background information with state agencies. 6th District Rep. Mark Walker of Guilford defended the bill, saying, “While I understand the need to be compassionate towards individuals seeking asylum in the United States, we simply cannot place our national security on the back burner by accepting unidentified Syrian and Iraqi refugees into the United States, especially given our past and present immigration issues.” Meanwhile, opponents of HR 4038, like 12th District Rep. Alma Adams, scolded those who supported the bill, saying, “HR 4038 is extreme and goes against the values so many have fought for in this great nation… it would force us to turn our backs on the most vulnerable Syrian refugees.”

Adams was referring to the fact that most Syrian refugees are women and children. But we should keep in mind that some women from that region have been known to hide bombs under their Burqas, and children are taught how to handle heavy weapons from an early age. On the other hand, there is also something to be said for not singling out a particular nationality or religious group when determining eligibility for re-settlement. After all, terrorists from Syria can enter America through other countries, and not all terrorists are from Syria and Iraq. Tashfin Malik, for example, was brought here last year from Pakistan by her husband Syed Farook, then last week she and Farook murdered 14 people at a San Bernardino party. HR4038 would also do nothing to protect us from homegrown terrorists like Dylann Roof who killed nine people at a church in South Carolina, or Adam Lanza, who murdered 20 children at an elementary school in Connecticut. Clearly, HR4038 is ill advised, nevertheless, we must somehow come to grips with the refugee problem before it grows any more dangerous. Policies and procedures of the past simply are no longer adequate.

In 2009, for example, the United States put in place a program to help Iraqi citizens who had been displaced by our invasions and attacks during George Bush’s ill-advised crusade. But that initiative opened the door for terrorists to enter our country almost unabated. In 2011,Kentucky authorities arrested two of those Iraqi “refugees” because they were plotting to send missiles and cash to their terrorist comrades back home for the express purpose of killing Americans.

Make no mistake, if we continue to allow Middle East refugees into our country, some of them will end up trying to kill us. To think otherwise is naive and dangerous. That’s why I propose a two year moratorium on ALL immigration, so that we can get a handle on potential terrorists who have already entered our borders, while exploring ways to control entry for legitimate refugees going forward. If we continue to let hundreds of thousands of immigrants into America while trying to fix the problem, it would be like trying to work on a transmission while the motor is still running. We need to shut off the immigration engine temporarily while we develop an enforceable, compassionate, and responsible policy for admitting foreigners to America in the future.
 
 

Last month the voters of Houston rejected a measure that would have banned discrimination based on gender identity. The so-named H.E.R.O. act (Houston Equal Rights Ordinance) was a pet project of outgoing Mayor Annise Parker who sought to guarantee the LGBT community certain protections not currently afforded to them under Texas law.

Parker and her supporters blamed defeat of the measure on misleading and inflammatory TV ads produced by the opposition. Those ads essentially warned voters that if passed, the H.E.R.O. act would allow males who identify as females to use public restrooms and school facilities that are designated for women. Backers of the ordinance, along with many in the press, claimed that H.E.R.O. had nothing to do with bathrooms. In fact, they were wrong. It had everything to do with bathrooms, and for once, a right-wing, inflammatory TV ad was actually accurate. To be fair, the ordinance covered much more than just the use of public facilities. For example, it would have banned city government from discriminating against transgender people seeking employment and housing, and that’s OK. But if passed it would have also allowed an 18-year-old boy who thinks he’s a girl to use the girl’s restrooms and locker rooms at his local high school, and that’s not OK.

Said Texas Lt. Governor Dan Patrick, “No woman should have to share a public locker room or restroom with a man.” Parker on the other hand, complained that, “This was a campaign of fearmongering.” Hey Mayor Parker, it’s not mongering if the fear is real. Just ask residents of Massachusetts, Colorado, and Illinois who had absolutely no say in how their gender specific public facilities have been opened to transgender people, thanks to recent rulings by the courts and federal government.

The Massachusetts Department of Education, for example, issued an order two years ago requiring all public schools to allow transgender students to use bathrooms and locker rooms, and play on sports teams, in the gender to which they identify.

That same year in Colorado, 8-year-old Coy Mathis decided he wanted to be a girl, so his parents allowed him to grow his hair long and wear dresses to school. But their enabling didn’t stop there. Mr. and Mrs. Mathis demanded that Coy be allowed to use the girls’ restrooms or else they would take legal action. School officials pointed out that since Coy had a penis, he is still biologically a boy, and it wouldn’t be fair to other students to let him use the girls’ bathroom. In the spirit of compromise, however, the principal offered Coy the use of the school nurse’s private bathroom. That wasn’t good enough for Coy’s grandstanding parents, who hired an attorney and filed a complaint with the Colorado Civil Rights Division. They eventually won their case. That same year in Chicago’s district 211, an eighth-grade boy who identifies as a girl demanded to play on the girls’ soccer team, and to use the girls’ locker room.

Again, school officials tried to be accommodating. They allowed the boy to play on the girls’ team, but they installed a curtain in the locker room so that he could change in private. Not surprisingly the boy’s parents refused the gesture. A few weeks ago the case was decided by the US Department of Education who found that the school district had violated the boy’s rights under Title IX. If the district fails to comply with DOE’s ruling, it will lose all federal funding. That means thousands of students will either abdicate their own right to privacy, or else be denied a quality education. Of course that doesn’t matter to pushy, headline-grabbing parents who couldn’t give a shit about everyone else’s rights. Their arrogance and blatant disregard for others is what sets them apart from gays, lesbians, blacks, women, and other disenfranchised groups in their respective struggles for equality. Those movements never asked for special privileges or to infringe on the rights of others. They simply wanted the same rights as everyone else. Yes, they succeeded in changing social norms, but it’s one thing to disrupt the status quo, and quite another to disrupt the rights of those around you.

District 211 officials told the Chicago Tribune, “The students in our schools are teenagers, not adults, and one’s gender is not the same as one’s anatomy. Our responsibility as school administrators is to protect the privacy rights of all of our students.” And, following the Massachusetts ruling, Andrew Beckwith of the Massachusetts Family Institute told the Associated Press, “Boys need to use boys restrooms, and we base that on anatomical sex, not some sort of internalized gender identity.” Beckwith also wisely warned that policies being put in place by the Feds actually put transgender kids at higher risk for “peer ostracism, victimization, and bullying.” In other words, those recent rulings aren’t good for anyone, yet similar cases are still clogging up the courts, including two now being decided in Virginia and South Carolina.

If the transgender movement wants to advance, it needs to teach certain parents about compromise and common courtesy. It also needs to focus future referendums on achieving rights, and not demanding special privileges. If they fail in that regard, they risk diluting their message and their mission. As such, the Houston vote should be a wake-up call for transgender activists, and a rallying cry for those of us who resent government threats and intrusions.

We can all either peacefully co-exist, or we can continue to fight in the bathroom. Let’s hope for the former.
 
 

Presidents are only human. They make mistakes. No, I’m not talking about Barack Obama’s broken promise to let everyone keep their existing health plan, or his broken promise to stay out of Iraq. I’m talking about John Kennedy, and how he misread history, unintentionally insulted the State of Virginia, and was compelled to make amends.

The story begins on Wednesday December 4, 1619. That’s the day 38 English settlers from the London Company, navigated their ship down the James River and onto Berkeley Hundred (Harrison’s Landing), in what is now Charles City, Virginia, just 20 miles upstream from Jamestown, which had been settled twelve years prior. The landing party was led by Captain John Woodlief, who, as prescribed in the company charter, ordered a day of Thanksgiving to be observed upon their arrival, and every December 4 thereafter.

Over time, Berkeley became known for its historic firsts. The first bourbon whiskey was made there in 1621 (by a preacher no less). “Taps” was played for the first time while the Union army was encamped at Berkeley in 1862. And, of course, it was the site of America’s first Thanksgiving. More on that in a moment.

In 1907 Berkeley was purchased by John Jamieson who had served as a Union drummer boy during the army’s encampment at the plantation. Ownership later fell to his son (and my friend) Malcolm, who passed away in 1997. Mac loved Berkeley and was aggressive in marketing the historic site, including through the use of promotional videos and commercials that I helped to produce. He invited the public to tour the house and grounds, sold Berkeley boxwoods and bourbon, and held an annual Thanksgiving pageant that attracted tourists from across the country. But the celebration wasn’t always widely recognized.

One hundred years after his father beat the Yankee drums at Berkeley, Mac was upset by something another Yankee did. In the fall of 1962, President Kennedy issued his yearly Thanksgiving Proclamation in which he recognized his home state of Massachusetts as the site of America’s first Thanksgiving. And so, on November 9th of that year, Virginia State Senator John Wicker was prompted by Mac to write to the President and point out Kennedy’s faux pas. In his telegram, Wicker referenced historical records about Berkeley’s celebration, which took place one full year before the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth in 1620.

Later that year, Kennedy confidant and noted historian Arthur Schlesinger sent a reply to Wicker with a tongue in cheek apology from the President. According to Berkeley records, Schlesinger “attributed the error to unconquerable New England bias on the part of the White House staff.”

The following year, on November 5, 1963, President Kennedy had to eat crow during his annual Thanksgiving proclamation, saying, “Over three centuries ago, our forefathers in Virginia and Massachusetts, far from home, in a lonely wilderness, set aside a day of thanksgiving.” Kennedy’s New England bias wouldn’t allow him to disavow Plymouth entirely, but Mac was happy that Berkeley finally gained official recognition for holding the first Thanksgiving, even if it was a shared honor.

Sadly it was to be Kennedy’s last proclamation. He was assassinated 17 days later in Dallas.

The holiday season is now upon us, and it’s a time for being thankful, celebrating with friends and family, and remembering fondly those who are no longer with us. And so I recall my visits with Mac Jamieson and his funny fervor over bragging rights to the first Thanksgiving. I remember him almost making me ill on two occasions, once when he drove his car erratically over the trails of historic Berkeley, and the other when, knowing I didn’t drink spirits, he shamed me into sampling some Berkeley bourbon.

Perhaps, though, it is appropriate that I am reminded of toasting America’s first Thanksgiving. Perhaps we all need to raise our glasses now and give thanks for the family and friends we love, and for the bounty we share. Perhaps we also need to pledge to help those who are less fortunate, and who continue to struggle in a still-weakened economy. Perhaps we would all do well to emulate those weary English settlers, and be thankful for just surviving another day of our long journey. So here’s a toast to Captain Woodlief, Berkeley, old Mac, and to that Yankee president who set the record straight. Happy Thanksgiving.
 
 

As far as I’m concerned, NFL star Michael Vick should still be in prison for torturing and murdering scores of pit bulls at his dog fighting operation in Virginia. Instead he was only incarcerated for 18 months. It was a small price to pay for his heinous crimes, but at least it was a price. Too bad for Vick he wasn’t abusing his dogs at the Guilford County animal shelter, otherwise he’d have gotten off scot-free. That’s what happened to shelter director Marsha Williams and her staff when District Attorney Doug Henderson and his chief assistant Howard Neumann decided not to prosecute anyone for the widespread, systematic, and heart-breaking abuse and neglect that went on at 4525 West Wendover Avenue.

The Guilford D.A.’s office said that it had no definitive proof that any one individual committed the abuses, but something about that explanation smells to high heaven. For one thing, there were security cameras located throughout the shelter. As one inside source told me, “there were so many cameras in that place that you couldn’t fart without someone knowing it.” For another, the abuses and neglect had been going on for years under the supposed oversight of Williams and the United Animal Coalition Board, whose former President John Nieman just happens to be a public defender. Notice I said “former President.” Nieman and fellow Board member Judge Michelle Fletcher both bailed out just when the shelter investigation was about to hit the fan. Somehow, Henderson’s refusal to prosecute those sickening abuses, smacks of cronyism. Speaking of oversight, how is it that a respected Board that included a public defender and a Judge never took time to conduct unannounced inspections of the facilities under their purview?

It should be noted that UAC operated both the Guilford and Davidson County shelters, but it was an investigation of the latter that triggered charges of abuse in the former. The saga began when the Davidson Sheriff’s department was tipped off about the Lexington shelter’s possession of the pain med Tramadol, which they were not licensed to have. Sensing there might be corroborating evidence at the Guilford shelter, Davidson prosecutors sought a search of the Wendover facility. Guilford Sheriff BJ Barnes and his deputies executed a search, which involved seizing computers and other materials. During their investigation and a series of interviews, the Sheriff’s department and the NC Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services learned of horrendous conditions and signs of abuse and neglect, including one dog who had been caged up for six days with his eyeball hanging out of the socket. On a subsequent visit to the shelter, deputies, now armed with a broader warrant, discovered a freezer door jammed shut with a crowbar. Upon opening the door they witnessed animal carcasses piled up over five feet high.

That discovery begs the question, “Why were animal bodies stacked up in a freezer when the Guilford shelter had its own crematorium?” Here’s where the story gets a bit murky and more disgusting, if that is even possible. According to my source, Williams, whose base salary exceeded $90,000, was also eligible for a bonus if she reduced the number of euthanizations at the shelter. The bonus was presumably offered in order to facilitate more adoptions. But in order to euthanize less dogs at the Guilford shelter, Williams was allegedly sending animals down to Davidson to be cremated, then piling others up in her own freezer. If true, that is a hell of a way to earn a bonus. But bonus not, dogs who either came to the shelter abused, or were neglected while there, needed to be cared for, or else put out of their misery. In many cases, it seems, Ms. Williams did neither, causing animals to endure untold suffering.

Speaking of bonuses and money, Williams hired a number of her own family members to work at the shelter, where the total employee salaries exceeded $900,000. That in addition to Williams’ base pay, accounted for over half of all public funds contributed by Guilford County. One could conclude that family members don’t rat out other family members, especially when big money is involved, so perhaps that’s another reason why the D.A. was reluctant to prosecute. But common sense dictates that Williams and her staff should be prosecuted because they were the only ones who had access to the dogs being abused and neglected. If a man in good condition walked into a store that had ten employees and no other customers, then he exited five minutes later beaten and bloodied, the police would charge all ten employees with assault if none of them ratted out the attacker. Same should apply with abuse and cruelty at an animal shelter. The dogs didn’t abuse and neglect themselves, so the D.A. should have charged the entire shelter staff as accessories to felony animal cruelty.

Yes I know there’s a difference in gathering evidence about abuse of animals versus abuse of a human. Dogs can’t talk, and they can’t tell you who abused them. But dogs also don’t have friends on Boards or family members covering for them. Fortunately Marsha Williams has been charged with several felonies at the Davidson shelter, and late last week, Sheriff Barnes was able to tack on five misdemeanor charges in spite of the Guilford D.A.’s foot dragging. That means Ms. Williams may pay a price yet. But she should be in prison for what she allowed to happen in Guilford, and her entire staff should join her in a cell. Meanwhile the NCDACS has suspended UAC’s license to operate in the State. As for the D.A., he and his assistant should resign for refusal to prosecute a case which involved a public defender and a sitting judge as members of the Board whose shelters were being investigated.

Going forward, Guilford County has the resources to run a clean, caring, and efficient animal shelter, and Guilford Commissioners have an obligation to thoroughly vet anyone who works there, or who operates that facility. As taxpayers, we can never again allow any agency to abuse our trust the way that UAC did. As human beings we must never again allow individuals like Williams to abuse the pets in their care. Animal lives matter.
 
 

In November of 1775 Benjamin Franklin wrote, “Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.” Those oft-misquoted words served as a warning to Franklin’s fellow colonists about the choice between accepting status quo under a British regime, versus fighting to be free. In modern times it was a warning we should have heeded before passing the USAPatriot Act, which later allowed the NSA and Homeland Security to monitor our phone and email communications. And it was a warning that Americans should have heeded in 1949 when the House Un- American Activities Committee (HUAC) launched a witch hunt to expose communists and communist sympathizers, particularly those working in Hollywood.

If called to testify before HUAC, film industry professionals were expected to denounce or deny their own communist leanings, then give the Committee names of people who might have an association with communist activity. Anyone who failed to name names, faced prison time and the loss of their livelihood, the latter of which came to be known as “Blacklisting”. In order to keep working, most people cooperated with HUAC, but screenwriter Dalton Trumbo and nine other notable wordsmiths refused to name names. For their defiance the so-called Hollywood Ten served a year in prison, then, upon their release, were only able to earn a living by writing under assumed names.

This week, “Trumbo”, a film starring Bryan Cranston in the title role, opens in theatres across the country. It also stars Helen Mirren, John Goodman, and Diane Lane. Cranston is a multiple Emmy winner for his role as science teacher turned meth dealer Walter White on Breaking Bad. He also won a Tony award in 2014 for his one man Broadway show, All the Way, in which he portrayed former President Lyndon Johnson. Bryan is perhaps the most versatile American actor of his generation, and can move with ease between comedy and drama. I first met Bryan in 2009 when he appeared at a “TV Dads” event that I moderated for the Television Academy. Late last month we spoke about his role as one of the most famous Americans to ever defy Congress.

 

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JL: What kind of research did you do for Trumbo?

BC: The good thing about playing a non-fictional character like Dalton Trumbo is that you can look at the films he wrote (Roman Holiday, Spartacus, etc…). Also there’s the biography by Bruce Cook, which is what the movie was based on. I also read a bio by Larry Ceplair, and that was illuminating. And I had the benefit of films and audio tapes. Also, Trumbo’s two daughters are still alive, and they were very cooperative, so I had the gift of being able to talk extensively with them in person and over email.

JL: Does the film focus mainly on the man, or do we get a broad stroke of the events around him, or both?

BC: We look at this very serious subject with sincerity, humor, pathos, and real storytelling, so it’s not as dour as some might think that a film about the threat of First Amendment rights, HUAC, prison, and the blacklist might be. And the reason for that is not just to make an entertaining film, but the Hollywood Ten were very entertaining men. They were witty, and engaged in banter that was very clever and funny, and so the film encompasses a lot of that, so you feel connected emotionally to these characters, and not just to the battle they fought.

JL: Given abuses by the NSA and Homeland Security under our last two Presidents, you certainly must feel that Trumbo is especially relevant today.

BC: Yeah, I think it will resonate with today’s audience. What the story of Trumbo illuminates is the need for us to maintain that kind of vigilance for the First Amendment, and for our Constitutional rights. The HUAC era was a dark, dark period in American history, and it just so happens that the backdrop of it was the motion picture business.

JL: If you were a struggling actor trying to feed a family in the late 1940’s and early ’50’s, do you think you would have defied HUAC, or would you have cooperated with them in order to keep working?

BC: That’s a great question, and that’s what’s good about our film because it brings out both sides of that coin. If I had a wife and kids, and I was threatened with jail, I would have denounced my affiliation with Communism, but I would draw the line at naming names. It’s one thing to protect yourself, it’s another to point fingers in a condemning way. They are asking me to name people so they can persecute them, the same tactics the Nazis used.

JL: I still think I might have chickened out.

BC: That’s a very honest response, but you have to look at what your career is worth. It’s like being in a lifeboat. Do I throw this woman overboard in order to save myself? Do I save myself at the risk of someone else losing their life or livelihood? I hope I would take the honorable path, of course in the hypothetical, you can only wonder. Dalton Trumbo and the rest of the Hollywood Ten were not living in a hypothetical.

JL: In searching for videos on Dalton Trumbo, I came across a TV commercial you did at the start of your career. You were the spokesperson for “Preparation H”. Did that experience in any way prepare you to work in Hollywood?

BC: (laughs) Well, I’ve dealt with a lot of assholes in my time (laughs).

 

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Spoken like a true Trumbo.
 
 

Last week something really surprising happened. Dr. Ben Carson, the Neurosurgeon turned GOP presidential candidate, overtook Donald Trump in a CBS News poll by a margin of 26 percent to 22 percent. Not so surprising, is that Dr. Carson as the new frontrunner, has come under much more scrutiny and criticism than ever before. I particularly liked the comments by several bloggers who compared Carson to Chance the Gardener, a pitifully naive character played by Peter Sellers in the 1979 film, Being There.

In the movie, Chance’s employer dies, leaving the simple-minded gardener to wander aimlessly through the streets of Washington D.C. where he is struck by a limo belonging to Ben, a billionaire political kingmaker a la the Koch brothers. Chance is taken to Ben’s mansion to recuperate where everyone thinks his name is Chauncey Gardener. One thing leads to another and when Ben invites his friend the President of the United States over for a visit, Chauncey is mistaken for a trusted political advisor. In one scene, the President asks Chauncey what he should do about an economic policy under consideration. Chance’s idiotic garden-speak is misinterpreted as some sort of brilliant metaphor.

President: Do you think we can stimulate growth through temporary incentives?

Chance: As long as the roots are not severed, all is well, and all WILL be well in the garden. In a garden, growth has its seasons. First comes Spring and Summer, but then we have Fall and Winter. And then we get Spring and Summer again.

Ben: I think what our insightful friend is saying is that we welcome the inevitable seasons of nature, but we’re upset by the seasons of our economy.

Chance: Yes, there will be growth in the Spring.

President: I admire your good common sense. That’s what we lack on Capitol Hill.

Chance soon becomes the talk of the town, and eventual successor to Ben’s empire.

The film ends at Ben’s funeral where powerful mourners decide to run Chauncey for President in the next election.

Suddenly Being There has become relevant again, especially to those of us who have taken time to read and re-read the plethora of simple-minded statements made by Ben Carson. What’s scary, though, is that Crazy Carson’s ideas are resonating with millions of uneducated and uniformed voters. Kanye West, for example, recently called Carson, “The most brilliant guy.” It’s Chauncey Gardener all over again.

Make no mistake. Just because someone speaks softly and slowly, doesn’t make what comes out of his mouth brilliant. Like Michele Bachmann and Herman Cain before him, Carson has become the Republican’s leading looney for this election cycle.

Need proof? Then just take a look at some of Dr. Ben’s more notable nuggets.

Homosexuality as a Choice: Carson told CNN’s Chris Cuomo that homosexuality is a choice “because a lot of people who go into prison, go into prison straight, and when they come out, they’re gay.”

Anarchy: Carson told Fox’s Chris Wallace if we don’t begin to deal with our problems now, that there might not be an election in 2016 because of widespread anarchy.

Affordable Care Act: At the 2013 Values Voters Summit, Carson said, “You know Obamacare is the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery.”

Same Sex Marriage: Carson told Fox’s Sean Hannity that marriage is between a man and a woman, adding, “It’s a well established fundamental pillar of society, and no group, be they gays, or people who believe in bestiality… they don’t get to change the definition.”

Nazis: Carson has implied on numerous occasions that Democrats and anyone who votes for Obama can be compared to Nazis. According to ForwardProgressives.com, Carson once said, “Most of the people in Nazi Germany did not believe in what Hitler was doing, but did they speak up? Did they stand up for what they believe in? They did not, and you see what happened.” Carson has also said that “the likelihood of Holocaust would have been greatly diminished if the people of Germany had been armed.” So let me get this straight. If German Jews had each been armed with a rifle, and spoke their beliefs, they could have defeated Hitler’s army. Makes perfect sense.

Mass Shootings: Carson recently told CBS News that lives would have been saved if students at Umpqua Community College had been armed. Said Carson, “The shooter can only shoot one person at a time. He cannot shoot a whole group of people…I would not just stand there and let him shoot me.” Interesting that Carson is a gun expert, yet obviously hasn’t heard of magazines with multiple rounds of ammo. And I suppose every student who carries a gun will be cool under fire and can kill the attacker without hesitation and without harming others. In Carson’s perfect world, Hitler could have been stopped if only there were community colleges in Nazi Germany.

AP Terrorism: Referring to an AP History course that teaches students about civil disobedience, Carson told an audience, “I think most people when they finish that course, they’d be ready to go sign up for ISIS.”

In fairness to Dr. Carson, he has attempted to walk back some of his more ridiculous statements, but we need a President who thinks before he speaks.

We also need a President whose views and positions are based on science and a working knowledge of government and the law. We can’t afford to have Chance the Gardener for our next President.

Americans are a forgiving people. We believe in fallen heroes who resurrect themselves. We believe in second chances. Of course, there is a practical and moral side to those second chances. For example, when a convicted bank robber gets out of prison, it’s not likely he’ll get a job as a bank guard.

I’m just saying. Likewise, someone who left college after two years because he was at the center of a major scandal and faced five federal indictments shouldn’t expect to get a job as a college professor. It just doesn’t pass the smell test.

But last week, Wake Forest University appeared to have lost its sense of smell and, along with it, its moral compass as well, by hiring scandal ridden Chris Webber to teach its students.

Webber, a five-time NBA All-Star, attended the University of Michigan for two years, during which time he received $280,000 in so-called loans from a booster named Ed Martin. Martin, as it turns out, was laundering money from an illegal gambling operation and, in addition to loaning Webber a fortune in ill-gotten gains, he allegedly also provided the basketball standout with spending money, jewelry, and clothing.

In 2002 following an exhaustive joint investigation by the NCAA, FBI, IRS, and Department of Justice, Webber was indicted on five counts, including obstruction of justice and lying to a federal grand jury (he had originally denied accepting the loan from Martin). He faced 25 years in prison and a one million dollar fine. Meanwhile the NCAA put Michigan’s basketball program on four year probation, vacated the University’s post season wins for multiple seasons, removed Webber’s name and achievements from the record books, and ordered Michigan to disassociate itself from Chris for 10 years. The University also had to return $450,000 to the NCAA for revenues earned during post-season play.

In July of 2003, just as jury selection had begun in Federal court, Ed Martin died suddenly, thereby weakening the Fed’s case against Webber. Chris escaped prison time by pleading guilty only to criminal intent. In basketball terms that’s known as getting away with an offensive foul. After leaving college in disgrace, Webber had a stellar career in the NBA, then became an analyst for Turner Sports. In May of 2013 Chris was allowed to once again associate with his alma mater.

One year before Webber’s exile was to end, he and filmmaker Peter Gilbert formed the Webber-Gilbert Media Group which the Raleigh News & Observer described as, “a multimedia production company that produces feature films and documentaries focusing on the intersection of sports, culture, and society.” Gilbert is also a professor at Wake Forest, and the man responsible for recruiting Webber to join the faculty. Together the business partners will teach a masters level course in “Sports Storytelling.”

In a statement issued by WFU, Webber said, “I’m excited to bring real life experience to the program … telling stories about sports is my new career … I understand how sports, business, race, gender, and economics mesh.” Added Gilbert, “Students will graduate with the expertise to tell the stories behind the stories.” The problem is that Webber’s story should preclude him from teaching those students in the first place.

To begin with, Webber not only doesn’t have a college degree, he didn’t even finish college. So how is he able to teach a Masters of Sports Storytelling course? He like Gilbert is considered a “Professor in Practice”, a designation which allows someone lacking in academic credentials to teach because of the experience he has gained in his chosen profession. Actually the adjunct position is widely used by colleges who want to give their students a real world perspective in their major. I myself once presided over a student-run TV show at UNCG, and, more recently my friend Sandra Hughes was hired to oversee a similar project at NC A&T. But Sandra and I have a direct connection to our respective alma maters, we weren’t recruited by our for-profit business partner, and neither of us committed crimes at our respective universities.

In my way of thinking, Webber is a poor role model for students of any age. It’s one thing for him to be invited to speak before a class of law school students who might be interested in his brush with the criminal justice system, but that’s a far cry from hiring him to teach full time. What was Wake Forest thinking? How in God’s green earth is it OK to hire a man to teach college who was involved in one of the biggest scandals in the history of college athletics? How is it Ok for a university to pay money to a man who cost his own alma mater millions of dollars? What message will it send to Wake students that their “professor” broke the rules, and broke the law when he was in college, and has profited ever since. By placing Webber in a position of influence over students, Wake has, in a sense, hired the proverbial bank robber to guard the bank.

I’m sure Chris Webber is a nice guy and he’s well liked, so there are plenty of ways he can contribute to society, but please just not as a college professor. Then again, perhaps he’s exactly where he should be. After all Webber was once convicted for storytelling, and now he’s being paid for it. Aren’t second chances great?

Sometimes the sequence and proximity of unrelated events can bring great clarity to a bigger issue. Such was the case earlier this month with the unfolding of two different massacres that took place 6,800 miles apart.

On Thursday, October 1, Christopher Harper Mercer walked into Oregon’s Umpqua Community College and proceeded to murder nine students while wounding nine others. The next day, President Obama spent his lame duck time blasting Jeb Bush and other Republicans for their insensitivity to gun violence, and their unwillingness to prevent mass murders. Then on Saturday, that same President who was so appalled by the Oregon killings indirectly authorized the use of air strikes on a Doctors Without Borders facility in Afghanistan. The bombings resulted in 22 innocent people being slaughtered and 20 others wounded. The irony and hypocrisy of this is inescapable and unforgivable.

At first, General John Campbell, Obama’s coalition commander, said that the air strikes, though launched by our gun ships, were requested by Afghan officials who said there were Taliban fighters and heavy weapons in the hospital (where have we heard a similar bullshit story before?). We now know that Campbell’s sources were not credible. In fact, Doctors Without Borders officials do not allow any weapons in their facilities, EVER. Campbell, Obama, and Defense Secretary Ash Carter know that, and should have seen a red flag when told of so-called heavy weapons. But it gets worse. As soon as the air strikes began, hospital personnel called Campbell’s staff and begged them to halt the attack. Despite those pleas, the bombings continued for another thirty minutes. Once that information came to light, Obama, Carter, and Campbell took responsibility for the murderous attack and apologized publicly. A few days later, the President announced that “condolence payments” would be made to families of the people his administration had murdered.

In the immediate aftermath of the attacks, Doctors Without Borders officials declared that the air strikes were war crimes, and last week when the Associated Press released more details, DWB President Meinie Nicolai said that the attack amounted to a “premeditated massacre.” Meanwhile, Red Cross executive Jean-Nicolas Marti said, “This was an appalling tragedy.” Indeed. Just read the eyewitness accounts, including one by Nurse Lajos Zoltan Jees who said, “Six patients were burning in their beds. There are no words for how terrible it was.” DWB has called for an independent international investigation, but President Obama has said that a Defense Department investigation will suffice. He promises transparency. Of course this is also the same man who promised we wouldn’t even be in Afghanistan by now.

The hospital massacre was not the first so-called collateral damage we have inflicted on the people of Afghanistan. Our air strikes have killed civilians attending a wedding, motorists out for a relaxing drive, and people gathering firewood. In addition to the numerous fatalities, another 33,000 innocent men, women, and children have been wounded in Afghanistan since Obama took office. New York Times correspondent Alissa Rubin commented that such Afghan casualties at the hands of Americans, “has done much to alienate the Afghan population, which, in turn, has hurt the United States-led forces and their Afghan government allies.”

The Afghan people have no doubt been victimized by rebels, but Rubin points out that, “insurgents do not have aircraft and the devastating ability to kill from above.” It’s no wonder that the people whose countries and families we have bombed feel real contempt toward America. It’s the same kind of hatred that no doubt helped to incite the 9/11 attacks, after which, George Bush made things worse by invading the wrong country and killing a million innocent men, women, and children in Iraq. Those war crimes and the resulting destabilization of the region gave rise to Isis, and now, thanks to Mr. Obama’s hospital massacre, we can probably look forward to a new wave of potential attacks on Americans both overseas and here at home.

Years ago I called for Bush and Cheney to stand trial for war crimes in Iraq, and now I believe Obama, Campbell, and Carter should be tried for the recent atrocities in Afghanistan. Such a trial would demonstrate to the world that no one person or government is above the law, and that even those who are indirectly responsible for mass murder, must be held accountable.

It’s time for America to stop policing the world and stop interfering in foreign civil strife that has existed in one form or another for thousands of years. And it’s time for us to hold our political leaders accountable for the mass murder of civilians, whether it’s nine deaths in Oregon, twenty-two in Afghanistan, or a million in Iraq. We need gun control here and gun ship control abroad. We have it within our power to do all of these things. To do otherwise is criminal.

A recent CNN poll showed that the majority of Americans will vote for a Presidential candidate even if they don’t agree with all of his views. The implication is that there IS no perfect candidate out there, and that we’ll settle for something less than perfect when aligning ourselves with a potential Commander in Chief. But what if there was a way to construct the perfect candidate to fit our views? As it turns out, most of the people running for President have at least one good idea, so I have attempted to play Dr. Frankenstein and piece together all of their best “parts” into one body. Here then is my ideal composite candidate for 2016.

For me, Bernie Sanders offers a platform that most conforms with my views, so I’ll use a number of his components, among them his belief that in America there should be “Medicare for All”. At present, the overwhelming majority of personal bankruptcies are caused by debt from medical bills. Like me, Bernie believes that no family should lose their home or go bankrupt because a loved one had to undergo expensive treatments for a curable disease. Bernie also wants every student to have access to a free college education at a public institution. He wants to impose a hefty tax on Wall Street speculators, and enact a Pay Fairness Act that would benefit women in the workplace. Bernie is also the only elected official running for the White House who opposed George W. Bush’s invasion of Iraq in 2003, and believes that military action of any kind must be a carefully studied last resort.

In constructing my perfect candidate I would mix in Marco Rubio’s approach to debt reduction. On his website, Rubio quotes Joint Chiefs Chairman Mike Mullen as saying, “the single biggest threat to our national security is our debt.” Mullen is probably correct. Our debt now stands at $18 Trillion dollars, or about $150,000 of debt for every family. Rubio is the only candidate harping on the national debt as an impediment to our future safety and economic growth. His solutions include reducing spending, enacting a balanced budget, and having States return unused federal funds to the Treasury.

My perfect candidate would also include several of Chris Christie’s views on criminal justice. Years ago, Christie pushed for a community policing model in Camden which has resulted in a 22% drop in violent crime and a 57% drop in homicides. Meanwhile, as President he would establish federal drug courts to try first time offenders who would receive treatment instead of prison time. And, Christie would protect our border with Mexico by investing in additional manpower and technology. Christie is a bully, and was probably the master mind of the revenge-inspired “Bridgegate” scandal, yet ironically, he also knows how to work with political foes when it comes to the safety and security of his constituents. Remember his hug with Obama during the aftermath of hurricane Sandy? That hug resulted in federal dollars for clean-up.

A few of Rand Paul’s views would also make it into the body of my perfect candidate. For one thing, Paul believes in term limits for Congress. That position alone, if enacted, would go a long way to ending beltway corruption and obstruction. Senator Paul also wants to end government spying on innocent American citizens. He, like Benjamin Franklin, doesn’t support abdicating any of our essential liberties just to buy a little security.

Though she is turning into the biggest flip flopper in history, Hillary Clinton has been consistent in her opposition to Citizens United, and vows to get it over turned if she is elected President. If she accomplishes that feat and also supports Rand Paul’s bill on term limits, we might have a chance to return to an honest system for electing state and federal officials. And so I’m including a piece of Hillary in the mix.

Mike Huckabee’s religious views are a bit too fundamentalist for my taste, but that wouldn’t stop me from using his most popular idea when constructing my perfect candidate. If elected President, Mike vows to abolish the IRS and establish a Fair Tax that would affect everyone equally because it is based on what you purchase, not what you earn.

Most of Ben Carson’s ideas are so far fetched and without merit, that I hesitate to use any of his components in my candidate. However, I must admit that I like his approach to minimum wage. Dr. Carson believes that we should index the federal minimum wage so that it would automatically increase every year based on the rate of inflation. We just better hope his index isn’t also based on the rate of global warming.

Former Governor George Pataki is pro choice and respects the rights of women in making decisions about their own reproductive health. For that, and for his push to enact Gay rights legislation in New York, I will include some of his characteristics in my composite candidate.

Jeb Bush looks and acts more Presidential than anyone else running, so I would naturally make use of his cosmetic appeal in building my perfect candidate.

Meanwhile, Jeb also has the best idea for how we should profit from our own homegrown energy sources. Specifically, Bush wants to lift restrictions on natural gas exports so we can sell them to China and Europe more easily.

When it comes to Presidential demeanor, John Kasich runs a close second to Jeb Bush. But the characteristics I would steal from Kasich for my perfect candidate are more substantial, like his proposal to enact a 3rd grade reading guarantee program. Literacy is essential to building a strong future for our country, so I support his plan. He also wants to make it easier for returning veterans to transition into the workforce, and have their military experience expedite state-issued licenses and job placements.

As I mentioned previously, most candidates have at least one great idea, and for Donald Trump, that idea is to repeal NAFTA and impose a hefty penalty tariff on any company who moves their plant out of America, then tries to ship their goods back into the USA. Spoiler alert: don’t look for executives at Ford and Hanesbrands to support Trump.

There are several candidates who have no redeeming value, and so I cannot in good faith find any reason to include them in my construct. Lindsay Graham has never met a war he didn’t like. Ted Cruz has never met a government shut-down he didn’t like. Carly Fiorina has never met a worker lay-off or golden parachute she didn’t like. And Rick Santorum has never met a family he didn’t value except one that doesn’t look like his, or believe the way his does. Remember, it was Santorum who once said that homosexuality can be equated with bestiality and pedophilia.

So there you have it – my recipe for building a perfect candidate. I just hope I can have him ready before the first primary. Gotta run now. Igor just brought me a brain in a jar labeled “Rick Perry.” Good help is hard to find these days. So are good candidates.

SNL’s Weekend Update of October 10 featured a composite photo of GOP candidates, which the anchor described as “stitched together like some sort of ‘FrankenSpeaker’. Mr. Longworth and YESWeekly art director Austin Kindley submitted this original column and photo on October 7.