Triad Today

Each week I use the last few moments of my “Triad Today” television show to comment on weird and wacky stories in the news. Here are some of the weirdest and wackiest from the past year.

POOH BARE

A town council in Poland has decided against naming a playground after Winnie the Pooh, because they say the bear has an “unclear gender and a naked bottom.” “So much for the Bruce Jenner-Kim Kardashian Parkway,” said one official.

SUM WEDDING

A bride in New Delhi called off her wedding because the groom failed a math quiz. Asked what is 15 plus 6, the man answered “17.” Said the groom, “OK, so I’m bad at addition, but I thought we were just going to multiply.”

HAVE IT YOUR WAY

Burger King announced it is paying all wedding expenses for Joel Burger and Ashley King because their last names are Burger and King. “That’s a great idea!,” said sweethearts John Dairy and Sally Queen.

MAGICAL ERECTION

A scientist in Switzerland says he can cure erectile dysfunction by simply shining a powerful light on your private parts. So far the E.D. cure only works on mice, which may explain why Minnie Mouse is always smiling.

DISNEY DISEASE

Disneyland says there’s been an outbreak of measles among its patrons. Last week, a Disney DOC said he was not HAPPY about reporting the epidemic, nor BASHFUL about blasting DOPEY parents for bringing their sick kids to the park who are now SNEEZY, SLEEPY, and GRUMPY.

HANDS-ON CURE

An Iowa chiropractor has lost his license because he was performing exorcisms on female patients in exchange for sex. Asked to describe her first chiropractic sexorcism, one patient said, “It was quite an adjustment.”

DATE RAID

A new perfume called “Aromaflage” is guaranteed to make women irresistible to the opposite sex, while also keeping bugs from biting. Asked if she would wear a perfume that attracts men and repels pests, one woman said, “How do you know which is which?”

NATURE HIKE

Last week a troop of cub scouts from San Diego went on a hike that accidentally took them traipsing through a nude beach. Asked if anything about the naked people bothered him, one scout said, “Yeah, where do they pin their merit badges?’

PHALLIC PLAY-DOH

Hasbro is in trouble for selling a toy that looks like male genitalia. The item in question is a ribbed, plastic tube which squeezes out Play-Doh to look like cake frosting. Some Moms have complained that it looks like a very large sex toy, while others aren’t complaining at all.

50 SHADES WITHOUT GREY

Jesse Gallan, the oldest woman in Scotland, just turned 109 years old. She says the secret to long life is avoiding men. In related news, CBS just renewed Ellen DeGeneres through the year 2065.

CAVE MEN

You’ve heard of the Ming Dynasty and the Tang Dynasty. Well, archeologists at Oxford now say they believe Neanderthals and Humans had offspring together. It’s called the Duck Dynasty.

LOWEBOT

Lowe’s Home Improvement just announced that it will start using robots for customer service. In keeping with Lowe’s way of doing things, when you ask the robot a question, he’s trained to disappear for 20 minutes and go look for the manager.

FLIGHT RISK

A man was arrested last week in the Atlanta airport for running around totally naked, and shouting about flight delays. Said one airport official, “It’s too bad. He was one of our best pilots.”

ROYAL PAIN

Last week Queen Elizabeth’s prized racehorse failed a substance abuse test, showing that he was hyped up on morphine. Asked if she had ever done anything illegal with a horse, the Queen replied, “Does Camilla count?”

CRAYON DRESS

Bloomingdales is now selling a dress made entirely of crayons. Asked why the crayon dresses are so popular, one store clerk said, “Because they’re easy to mark up.”

KARDASHIAN KLOTHING

After several years of moderate sales, SEARS and the Kardashian women have parted ways in their clothing venture. Said one SEARS spokesperson, “We no longer want to be associated with something so cheap and easily made. And we don’t like the clothing either.”

What do NASCAR legend Richard Petty and Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton have in common? The answer is the Ricky Proehl Celebrity Golf Classic, and a friendship with the man for who the event is named.

Proehl, a former NFL great and now wide receiver coach for the Panthers, is also founder of the P.O.W.E.R. of Play Foundation that serves at-risk youth through a highly structured, sports-based program at Proehlific Park in Greensboro.

“We’ve learned that by showing a child love, acceptance and respect, that we can, in turn, help change their lives,” said Proehl. “The Foundation teaches the children in our programs through our core values of Play, Opportunity, Work, Excellence, and Respect. We tell them, ‘You can do whatever you want to do if you surround yourself with good people and make good choices.’ ”

No doubt there’s a need for programs like those offered through P.O.W.E.R. of Play, especially for latchkey kids who need mentoring. According to the US Census Bureau, 77% of American youth are left at home every afternoon. And according to the North Carolina Department of Juvenile Justice, most juvenile offenses occur around 3pm on weekdays. Proehl’s work with young people pays off. According to national statistics cited on his Foundation website, kids who are mentored are 46% less likely to start using illegal drugs and 52% less likely to skip school.

In order to sustain his foundation, Proehl hosts the annual Celebrity Golf Classic which this year will be held on Friday, June 5 at Greensboro Country Club. Newton and Petty will attend the Pairings Party the night before at the Proximity Hotel in Greensboro, while Panthers head coach Ron Rivera and dozens of NFL stars, including Jerricho Cotchery, will also play in the Golf Classic. Hutchinson Family office, a full service wealth management firm, is this year’s presenting sponsor of the Classic.

“We’ve been so touched by the work Ricky has done with young people over the past few years, that we wanted to be involved in this special fundraising event,” said Steve Hutchinson, founder and CEO.

This is not the first time Richard Petty has teamed with Proehl. Last fall, NASCAR’s winningest driver and seven-time national champion, presented the P.O.W.E.R. of Play Foundation with a generous contribution, courtesy of the Petty Family Foundation, which supports a number of charities, chief among them Victory Junction Camp. During the holidays, Petty, Proehl, and Hutchinson distributed food, clothing, and toys to families in need.

Meanwhile this will be Cam Newton’s first time teaming up with Petty to attend the Pairings Party, which also raises money for the P.O.W.E.R. of Play Foundation. The two-time Pro Bowler from Atlanta joined the Panthers in 2011 after winning the Heisman Trophy and a national championship at Auburn. He was named NFL rookie of the year, and passed for 400 yards in his very first game. Like Proehl, the Panthers quarterback is all-too-familiar with the needs of young people, who he works with in his Cam Newton Foundation.

“I enjoy working with Ricky as a coach, and I really admire what he’s doing to help kids,” said Newton. “Both of our foundations focus on helping kids reach their full potential through special programs and mentoring.”

At last year’s holiday drive, I reminded Richard Petty that not everyone has fully recovered from the recession, and that money is still tight, even for those of us with a job. His response was inspirational and direct, “Most of us may not be as well off as we used to be, but we’re so much better off than the majority of people, so why not give back a little?” Tickets to next Thursday’s Pairings Party are still available at $100 per person. The cost to watch Friday’s golf classic is $50 per person. Children under 8 will be admitted free, but anyone under 16 must be accompanied by an adult. To purchase tickets, register a foursome for the Celebrity Golf Classic, or learn how you can support the P.O.W.E.R. of Play Foundation, visit POWERofPlayFoundation.org.

It’s not unusual for a politician to get tagged with a nickname, but it’s pretty uncommon for two freshman congresspersons to share the same moniker. Around the nation’s capitol, Representatives Alma Adams and Mark Walker are known as “MALMA,” an affectionate amalgamation of their first names. The co-joined ID is inspired by a number of factors. They both reside in Guilford, and their districts (Mark’s 6th and Alma’s 12th) represent constituents in the gerrymandered county. And though they sit on opposite sides of the aisle in Congress (Alma with the Democrats and Mark with the Republicans), “MALMA” work well together and have developed a growing friendship and respect for one another. It’s a refreshing change from the vitriol and gridlock we’ve come to expect from Congress. Moreover, theirs is a relationship, which has helped to advance legislation about some very important issues ranging from human trafficking to hunger.

This weekend, Alma and Mark will appear on my Triad Today television show to discuss those and other issues, some of which they agree on, others not so much. Yet the two share a common respect for each other, and for the constituents they represent.

Our discussion was taped on Wednesday May 6 while Adams and Walker were on break from their duties in Washington. For the record, Representative Renee Ellmers was also invited to participate and agreed to do so. However, the night before we taped our program, her assistant called and cancelled. Ellmers, it seems, decided to attend a party in Raleigh given by some friends of her son. Breaking a promise to communicate with constituents, in order to attend a social engagement, does not speak well for an elected official. Fortunately, though, “MALMA” kept their promise, and we learned a lot from them as a result. Here then, are some highlights from our discussion.

JL: Congratulations Mark, on getting your Human Trafficking bill through the Senate. Tell us again why it was needed and what it will accomplish.

MW: This is a growing criminal industry …North Carolina is getting ready to move from 9th to 7th in overall human trafficking, whether it’s sex trafficking or labor trafficking. And what we wanted to do in our bill is to make sure we’re having our security folks, the border patrol, even the TSA, go through the proper training to be able to spot either the victims or the perpetrators who may be trying to bring in really young folks to force them into this kind of slavery.

JL: Alma, you’re pushing for an emergency food bank. Why?

AA: Hunger in our community is at an emergency level now. We’ve seen the report that put North Carolina at the top of the list for hunger, and here in the 12th district, hunger is very prevalent. The Triad has been mentioned as having a real issue with lack of food, so we need to provide food for people who need it right now.

JL: Does that mean federal funding will be involved?

AA: Absolutely. I think the federal government can do a lot in that regard. Right now in the Agriculture committee and the subcommittee on Nutrition, we’re looking at various programs that will put food back into the community, “SNAP” (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) for children, and so forth.

JL: Mark you also sponsored a bill to provide police with body cameras. Will this help reduce the kinds of incidents we’ve seen occur in Ferguson and Baltimore in making police more accountable?

MW: I think so, but what we’re hearing from law enforcement agencies is that this is something they welcome to prove that ninety-plus percent of them are doing a great job. Our goal is to show people that this protects not only the police, but also any potential victims.

JL: Mark you’ve been pushing for term limits. How’s that effort going, Don Quixote?

MW: (laughs) I’m not getting a lot of “Amens,” to use my ministerial background as a reference, and yes, we’re fighting dragons there. But there is a piece of legislation by Andy Barr of Kentucky that may get a little traction. It proposes that a Congressman serve 12 years maximum, take at least a two-year break, and then if you want to run again, you would be able to do so.

AA: My position on term limits has remained the same, which is that constituents will determine your limits. If you’ve got a Congressman or a legislator in the State House or Senate who’s doing a good job and doing what the people want them to do, then they should be allowed to continue. I think the people can determine those limits.

My interviews with “MALMA” can be seen this Saturday at 7:30am on WXLV abc45, and Sunday at 11am on MY48.

While accepting her Oscar for Boyhood earlier this year, CSI: Cyber star Patricia Arquette implored the Academy audience to support wage equality for women. It was one of the few times I can recall a “political” speech being met with unanimous acceptance during an awards ceremony. More than that, Arquette’s diatribe in effect jump-started a renewed interest in the pay disparity debate.

A few weeks later in recognition of National Equal Pay Day, comedienne Sarah Silverman asked women to join the #Ask4More campaign. According to Glamour magazine, her urging was related to a Levo League study which showed that 63% of women felt uncomfortable negotiating for a job offer, and 66% said they didn’t know how to ask for more money.

It is both sad and amazing that in the year 2015, women still make only 78 cents for every dollar earned by a man. Here in North Carolina the pay disparity is actually a bit better than the national average. Back in March, a new study showed that Tar Heel women are paid 83 cents of what men earn for the same job. The really bad news, though, is that the study concluded that women in North Carolina won’t achieve equal pay status until the year 2064!

Over the past few weeks, working women and their advocates have railed against pay disparity, and pulled out the so-called Equal Pay Act like some sort of mighty sword. But that sword has lost its edge, and the problem with effecting reforms is threefold. First, when EPA was enacted, it didn’t apply to all working women. Second, it established very strict guidelines for redress. And third, it did nothing to help break or weaken the glass ceiling.

To the first point, President Kennedy signed the Equal Pay Act in 1963, at a time when women earned only 59 cents for every dollar paid to a man for the same job. But the Act itself only applied to hourly workers in bluecollar jobs. It wasn’t until 1972 that it was amended to cover pay disparity in white-collar jobs. In 2009, President Obama signed into law the Fair Pay Act (FPA), ostensibly because EPA lacked effective tools to persuade or punish offending employers.

But while the two Acts were necessary, they have proven to be largely ineffective, otherwise we would have achieved wage equality by now.

Second, EPA mainly protected women against pay disparity related specifically to sex discrimination. As Nolo.com reminds us, the way EPA was structured, a woman with a grievance had an uphill battle when seeking redress. That’s because to raise a discrimination claim, you must demonstrate that you and someone of the opposite sex are working in the same place, are doing equal work, and that you are receiving unequal pay because you’re a woman. But as Nolo points out, there’s not always agreement on what constitutes equal work. At some job sites, for example, a male employee might be asked to do extra work, and then receives extra compensation for that work. If his female counterpart isn’t asked to also do extra work, then she receives less pay, even though their job descriptions are identical. Also, if that same male has been evaluated as having demonstrated higher productivity than the female, then he might earn a slightly higher salary than she.

Finally, neither EPA nor FPA have made it any easier or more lucrative for companies to put women in executive jobs. According to Thinkprogress.org, there are only 48 female CEOs heading up the 1,000 largest corporations in America. That means women hold only 4.8% of the top jobs. Until that figure is much higher, then rank-and-file female employees stand little chance of earning the same pay as men.

True, there are a few jobs in which women make more money than men. AOL and CareerBuilder.com report that a female TV producer/director earns on average $4,000 more than a man, while women teaching special education, and female TSA screeners, are paid about $1,000 more than their male counterparts. But those examples are few and far between. So too are instances of female executives who earn more than their fellow male executives. Apple Vice President Angela Ahrendts is the exception, earning over $82 million dollars per year. Nevertheless, pay disparity between the sexes is still a pervasive problem which is not easily corrected or litigated. It’s going to take more than a speech at the Academy Awards to make a course correction. It’s going to take laws without loopholes, and male-dominated corporate boards to be less misogynistic and more proactive.

I am reminded of those “pregnancy suits” that high school boys wear in sex-ed class to let them experience what women go through when having a baby. Perhaps if male lawmakers and male CEOs were made to wear a “Disparity Suit” for awhile, they’d learn what it’s like to earn less money, and then we might not have to wait until 2064 for pay equality. Heck, we might not even have to wait until the end of the week. That’s because men have a low threshold for under-compensated “labor” pains.

In many ways, kids are much smarter than adults. Take trade agreements for example. In my old neighborhood, kids frequently traded all sorts of things with one another, but we always knew what a “fair” trade was. Back then you could swap a Mickey Mantle baseball card for a Willie Mays, or a Superman comic book for a Batman. But you would never trade your bicycle for a bag of marbles. Why? Because that would be stupid, that’s why. No one in his right mind would give up something of great value for something of little value. So why, then, do adults, particularly those who work in Washington, D.C., keep engaging in bad trades? Are they stupid, or do they just have selective amnesia? Or is it something else?

Just over 20 years ago, Bill Clinton, with support from both parties, passed the North American Free Trade Agreement. Clinton promised us that the free trade pact would create one million new jobs within five years. Only a select few souls spoke in opposition, most notably Ross Perot who warned that NAFTA would suck jobs out of our country, and start us down a disastrous economic road. Turns out he was right and Mr. Clinton was wrong.

Last year, in recognition of NAFTA’s 20th anniversary, a number of organizations, politicians, and media outlets offered up progress reports and analysis of the one-sided trade pact. Public Citizens Global Trade Watch, for example, reported that America had lost one million jobs because of NAFTA (about 400,000 of those were in manufacturing), and income inequality grew by obscene proportions. Meanwhile, former Michigan Congressman David Bonior noted that in 1993, America enjoyed a $2.5 billion trade surplus, but by mid-2014 we had a $181 billion trade deficit. That means our trade deficit increased by 450% since NAFTA went into effect. Under NAFTA, U.S. companies shuttered plants at an alarming rate and re-opened them in under developed countries where they paid slave wages to produce much cheaper products. Those goods were then shipped back into America virtually tariff-free. At the same time, countries like China were shipping products to our ports without having met safety and environmental standards. And NAFTA had a negative impact on another kind of import. According to the Economic Policy Institute, NAFTA caused Mexican workers to flee their homeland in search of better employment and higher pay. The result was several million Mexicans immigrating to America, most of whom were undocumented.

In 2008, candidate Barack Obama understood what NAFTA was doing to our economy and vowed to re-negotiate the pact if he became President.

Yet just one month into his Presidency, Mr. Obama’s short-term memory loss set in as he told the Washington Post that any re-negotiation “would have to wait.” Now, seven years later, the President’s amnesia has grown worse because he is using all of his executive powers to push through yet another disastrous trade agreement, the Trans Pacific Partnership, which may involve as many as a dozen nations throughout the Asia-Pacific region. Even worse, negotiations for TPP have taken place largely in private.

According to a New York Times article from February, 2014, Senator Bernie Sanders wrote a letter to U.S. Trade representative Michael Froman, in which he said, “It is incomprehensible to me that the leaders of major corporate interests who stand to gain enormous financial benefits from this agreement are actively involved in the writing of TPP, while at the same time, the elected officials of this country representing the American people, have little or no knowledge as to what’s in it”.

Sanders wasn’t alone in his concerns. Quoting Rep. Brian Higgins, Kevin Jolly of the Buffalo News wrote, “The lack of transparency is disturbing. Why do they want to fast track this thing without any Congressional debate or amendments?” But just over a year ago, we learned why there was a lack of transparency. That’s when some of the details of TPP began to leak out, including provisions for companies to get around U.S. laws and environmental standards.

Speaking on The Ed Show last year, former U.S. Labor Secretary Robert Reich commented that, “TPP is a Trojan Horse in a global race to the bottom, giving big corporations and Wall Street banks a way to eliminate any and all laws and regulations that get in the way of their profits.” He went even further in a video that he released back on January 29, in which he said that TPP will also allow for international tribunals that can require corporations be paid “compensation for any lost profits found to result from a nation’s regulations.”

Economist Joseph Stiglitz was more blunt, telling the New York Times, “TPP presents grave risks…and serves the interests of the wealthiest.” Bernie Sanders concurred, and with a nod to NAFTA said, “Trade agreements like TPP have ended up devastating working families and enriching large corporations. ” Perhaps Mr.Obama isn’t suffering from memory loss after all. Perhaps he is compelled to push for TPP because of pressure from corporate interests who helped put him in office.

But no matter the reason, TPP is dangerous and should not be enacted, at least not without full bi-partisan discourse and disclosure. America simply can’t afford to sign any more one-sided trade pacts. We must demand fair trades, like swapping a Mickey Mantle card for a Willie Mays. Anyone who thinks otherwise has lost his marbles.

Once upon a time, Queen Elizabeth was spotted carrying a basket full of DVDs into Windsor Castle. No doubt the discs were crucially important to the Empire. Perhaps they showed footage from a spy satellite, or video of a secret terrorist camp. Instead the DVDs reportedly contained episodes of the television series Midsomer Murders. And there’s the time German Chancellor Angela Merkel flew to England to meet with Prime Minister David Cameron on an urgent matter. According to insiders, the two leaders spent much of their time together watching episodes of—you guessed it—Midsomer Murders. So what’s the big attraction? Why is Midsomer Murders popular in over 200 countries? And why does it appeal to people from all walks of life? The answer is: John Nettles.

John Vivian Drummond Nettles was born on October 11, 1943 in St. Austell, Cornwall, which he described to me as, “a small rustic county in England where there was no professional theatre, no music, no nothing.” Fortunately John was mentored by a teacher who tapped him to perform in a school production of Macbeth. Said John, “At the time I remember thinking that being in a school play was a kind of foreplay. You got the girl if you played on the stage (laughs).”

In addition to studying girls, Nettles went on to study history at the University of Southampton. After graduation he performed at the Royal Court Theatre and appeared in a number of British TV shows. Then, in 1981 he landed the role of Jim Bergerac, in a detective series by the same name. Bergerac was an overnight success, and Nettles became an overnight sex symbol, who The Guardian described as “Half man, half walnut, and full sex god.” Bergerac ended its run after ten years, at which time John returned to the stage and performed for five seasons with the Royal Shakespeare Company. In his spare time Nettles also authored a number of books. Then came an offer from producer Brian True-May to play aging Detective Chief Inspector Tom Barnaby in Midsomer Murders, a television series based on a book by Caroline Graham.

Over the course of thirteen seasons, John’s face became instantly recognizable to millions of fans worldwide, but he was always willing to share the spotlight, especially with up and coming actors, many who have since become stars in their own right, including Orlando Bloom (Pirates of the Caribbean), Henry Cavill (Superman), Emily Mortimer (The Newsroom), and Toby Jones (The Hunger Games). Of course, most of his guest stars didn’t live through an entire show. That’s because Barnaby had to investigate nearly 300 suspicious deaths from such bizarre causes as drowning in wine, poisoning from a tropical frog, and being burned alive in a straw effigy.

JL: Why is Midsomer Murders so popular?

JN: Because it was charming. I mean, there were lots of murders, but it wasn’t gritty, it was escapism. It was also a classical form of the English Who Done It. I like to think of Midsomer Murders as being Agatha Christie on speed. If she had shot up a bit, she would have produced Midsomer Murders (laughs).

In fact the murder rate in Barnaby’s village was so high, that it prompted John’s former logic professor to comment, “Nettles, by process of elimination, YOU must be the murderer because there’s no one else left.” Even John’s most influential fan took notice of the genteel violence, as evidenced by her comment to him following a ceremony in which she awarded Nettles the Order of the British Empire.

JN: The Queen is a big fan, but she did say she wouldn’t like to live in Midsomer. One of her equaries then chimed in and said, “No Mum, because you’d be dead”, which I thought was as near to lèse-majesté as you can get (laughs)…I had to apologize to the Queen for the number of her subjects we’d done to death in the most horrible way. But I was very pleased that our reigning Monarch liked the show, and indeed, lots of people had a guilty pleasure watching it.

It is important to note, though, that the fictional DCI Barnaby apprehended hundreds of murderers without ever firing a gun.

JL: Is that what attracted you to the role?

JN: I wanted him to be an English gentleman—one who never raises his voice and embodies all the virtues of Englishness, which means not carrying a gun.

JL: You’re also a historian, so do you think America could effectively adopt the UK approach to fighting crime?

JN: The nature of our society and the nature of American society are fundamentally different. The tendency in America is to be more violent, less law-abiding, less obedient. In England we have a habit of consensual government, and also of consensual civil behavior. That means the tendency is to obey the law rather than to break it, and our criminals are not so apt to turn to guns, so it’s difficult to talk about such a thing in America.

JL: Well if folks in England are so civil, then how come Prince Andrew nearly ran over my wife at a cross walk when she was visiting London?

JN: That’s the royal family. They don’t obey anything (laughs).

Nettles hung up his badge in 2011, but Midsomer Murders has continued on with another DCI Barnaby (Neil Dudgeon as Tom’s cousin), and is now in its eighteenth season. Today, John and his wife Cathryn devote much of their time to equine rescue.

JL: Would you ever consider returning to Midsomer Murders as a guest star?

JN: No, not now. The world of Midsomer has changed and it’s Neil’s territory now. I wouldn’t want to go back, except perhaps as a body (laughs).

Thankfully all 81 episodes of Midsomer Murders starring John Nettles are finally available on home video in their original broadcast order. So, like the Queen, you can now sneak into your castle with a basket full of DVDs and watch a sex god at work.

Earlier this month, former First Lady, former Senator, and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton officially declared her candidacy for President. Her announcement wasn’t held at a big rally, or a staged press conference, but instead it was made in the midst of a Twitter video about everyday Americans. Then, no sooner than the video had gone viral did Mrs. Clinton embark on a road trip to Iowa, where she could press the flesh with those everyday Americans.

The announcement strategy was designed to show that Hillary is as comfortable with high tech as she is with high fives. It is in sharp contrast to the way she ran her 2008 campaign, when she was criticized for being too aloof and unable to relate to, you guessed it, everyday Americans. It remains to be seen whether the strategy will pay off, but that, of course, depends upon how sincere Mrs. Clinton is about living up to the new image that has been created for her. Perhaps it is not her fault, but she has never been a touchy-feely person, not like her husband who is a master at it. True, Bill’s touching and feeling got a bit out of hand at times, but that’s another story.

At any rate, Hillary’s attempt at softening her persona may finally help her regain possession of the keys to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. After all, her much anticipated candidacy has already discouraged other serious Democratic contenders from even exploring a primary challenge. Meanwhile, Republicans Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, and Marco Rubio have declared, but Jeb Bush is still the presumptive favorite, so long as he can survive the right-wing-controlled GOP primaries. If there is a Bush/ Clinton contest next November, then America will further elevate one of two political dynasties, either Bush 2.5 or Clinton 2.0.

In large part, however, Hillary’s quest to be Commander-in-Chief is not so much about her potential Republican opponents, but whether she can sell voters on her transformation and her contradictory record. Here then, are three reasons why Mrs. Clinton’s toughest presidential opponent may just be the person staring back at her in the mirror.

Dove vs. Hawk

Hillary’s election to the United States Senate was due, in part, to strong support from anti-war liberals who believed that she shared their views. But in October of 2002, Clinton voted to give George W. Bush authorization to invade Iraq. Later, during her 2008 run for the White House, Hillary’s supporters gave her a pass on Iraq because she had cast her vote based on false information provided to her about the presence of WMDs. Nevertheless, Senator Barack Obama positioned himself as the peace candidate and edged out Hillary for the nomination. Ironically, once he was elected, Mr. Obama morphed into a major hawk, ordering the invasion of seven different countries in his first six years in office, and his Secretary of State supported him at every turn. The Democratic base must now decide which Hillary to believe when it comes to use of the military.

bin Laden vs. Benghazi

Speaking of the military, Hillary had no problem supporting Obama’s use of Navy SEALs to kill Osama bin Laden. That’s because bin Laden was the number one terrorist in the world and mastermind of the 9/11 attacks. For whatever reason, though, she was not as quick to deploy troops to rescue the diplomatic compound at Benghazi which was attacked by Islamic extremists. Hillary’s base might not blame her for Benghazi, but Republicans do, so she’ll have to better define and explain herself to moderates and independents if she wants to win next fall.

Transparency

Hillary’s credibility has been in question with the voting public ever since Whitewater. Later, her sincerity was questioned when she stayed married to a serial cheater, presumably just so she could remain near the seat of power and perks. Last year her believability was an issue when she said that she and Bill were broke when he left office. And just last month, her commitment to transparency took a hit when it was revealed that, while serving as Secretary of State, she sent most of her emails on a private account. Taken separately, these issues wouldn’t be a problem for Mrs. Clinton, but taken together, they could hurt her in the general election.

If Hillary can decide which Hillary she is, and convince voters to buy into it, then she will become our nation’s first female president. If not, then she will have denied herself and her gender a shot at breaking an important glass ceiling. We everyday Americans are waiting to see which way it goes.

Back in 1979 when she launched into a song on an episode of The Facts of Life, 11-year-old Molly Ringwald gave us a glimpse into what would become a multi-faceted career. Charlotte Rae, who played Molly’s housemother on Facts, told me she isn’t surprised at how her young charge turned out. “She was a good little actress, very talented, and a dear sweet little girl. I think it’s awesome. What a big career she’s had.”

“Big” is sort of an understatement.

Ringwald cut her first album at age three, was the lead vocalist on two Disney albums at age twelve, and was on the cover of TIME by the time she turned eighteen. She has appeared in over 20 TV series, and starred in over 20 films, including Tempest, for which she earned a Golden Globe nomination. Molly has also authored several books, writes a weekly advice column, and has a new CD coming out. And next week, she embarks upon a concert tour, the first stop for which is UNCG, where the proceeds from her jazz stylings will go to benefit Greensboro Urban Ministries.

“I think it’s wonderful that she’s doing the concert with all the money going to charity,” said Charlotte Rae.

Putting Ringwald, UNCG, and Urban Ministries together was the brainchild of Steve Haines, director of the Miles Davis Jazz Studies program at UNCG. Haines told me his goal is to sell out Aycock Auditorium and raise $25,000 for the charity.

No doubt some concert goers will show up just to get a glimpse of the former teen heart throb they remember from Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, and Pretty in Pink, the latter of which also starred James Spader (The Blacklist), Annie Potts (Ghostbusters), and Jon Cryer (Two and a Half Men).

Annie Potts told me, “Molly’s an amazing talent all the way around, and a wonderfully sweet person. I was struck by her maturity, and her gift at such a young age. She was wildly pulled together and focused. Just a great girl.”

Added Jon Cryer, “She is also a great singer.”

I spoke with Molly by phone last week, and we talked about her music, her children, and her career.

JL: You have a really smooth singing style. Did you have to work hard to attain that voice, or did it just come naturally?

MR: I’ve always been a singer, since was very little. It was what I did before I did anything else. So it’s sort of like riding a bike, you never really lose it. But the thing I worked the most on is I really wanted this album to have a very intimate sound. So that’s what I worked on most, just pulling my voice I listen to a lot of different singers, but I really think it’s important to sound like myself.

JL: Which gives you the most pleasure, singing, writing, or acting?

MR: I really don’t know if I can choose. It kind of goes back and forth, you know? I feel like singing is the most joyful thing I do, particularly when I’m on stage with all my musicians. It’s really enjoyable. Of course, the touring aspect of it, and being away from my family, and getting up early in the morning and going through security at the airport, all that I’m not crazy about. But the actual act of singing and listening to my musicians play is truly joyful. I also really enjoy acting in a great piece, and I love having written something that I really like, so I love all these things. I don’t know if I can really pick a favorite. It’s like picking your favorite child.

Speaking of children, America’s former teen sweetheart is now 47 years old, and the mother of three. And as if she doesn’t have her hands full parenting and touring, she also agreed to pen a weekly column for The Guardian, titled “Ask Molly”.

MR: It’s been a real window into what people think about, and what they’re concerned about, and what drives people. I thought it would be useful to my writing, and to my acting in terms of character, but it’s been a lot of work though.

JL: Suppose you received a letter from a successful actress and singer who wanted to know if she should encourage her three kids to go into show business?

MR: I get where you’re going with this, and the answer is “No”. I don’t want my kids to go into show business, at least while they’re young. I imagine it’s something at least one of them will pursue, and I will support them in that journey when they’re older, but right now they’re just going to stay in school and do stuff that’s non professional.

JL: But why don’t you want your children to follow in your footsteps now. I mean, you had great success in show business at an early age.

MR: Well, I think it’s just a hard business, and I feel like if you have talent, then that talent is going to be there when you’re older. I think it makes you a more interesting artist if you just take your time. I don’t want my kids to go the Disney starlet route. I was very lucky to keep my head on straight and stay focused on other interests, but I don’t want to put my kids into something where statistically they might end up messed up from it. I want them to take their time and try a lot of different things before they decide they want to do that one thing.

On Friday, April 24, Molly will do one of the many things she does so well: singing in front of a live audience.

JL: My wife and I went to a Tom Jones concert a few years ago, and women of all ages were still throwing undergarments at him on stage. I can’t help but think about your underwear fiasco in Sixteen Candles. Is it likely we’ll see men throw unmentionables at you during your concert?

MR: I don’t think I’ve ever had underwear thrown at me (laughs). It’s not exactly my demographic (laughs).

Tickets to the concert are available at TriadStage.org/tickets or call 336 272-0160.

It used to be that Hollywood notables would wait until they reached the autumn of their years before penning an autobiography. Not so with Jon Cryer, who at the young age of fifty, has packed about two lifetimes worth of tales into his new book, So That Happened: a Memoir. Yes, he dishes on his Two and a Half Men co-star Charlie Sheen, but if you only read those chapters, you’ll miss the part where Jon was exposed to prostitutes at an early age, or how he was replaced by Mighty Mouse in a vitamin commercial, or all about his romance with Demi Moore, or how Britney Spears once saved him from the paparazzi, or how he got invited to a sleep-over at the Playboy mansion. That’s right, mild-mannered Jon Cryer has had a lot of weird experiences, but there’s a reason for that, as he explained to me, “There must be something about me that wants insanity in my life, because I ran into a fair amount of it for a guy who just wanted to be an actor.”

Cryer, who grew up in New York City, was a child of divorce. His father left home when Jon was four years old to pursue a career in acting. Jon’s mom was a writer and actress who arranged for her little boy to appear alongside her in a TV commercial for Zestabs vitamins. That was Cryer’s first taste of acting, and he was hooked. He also had an active imagination. I once asked him how he learned about the birds and the bees, and Jon said, “My Mom told me about it when I was 6, and I told all the other kids that the man puts his finger in the lady’s belly button, and that’s where babies come from.”

Jon skipped college in order to study his craft at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art in London, and after appearing onstage and in a few guest spots on TV, Jon’s big break in films came in 1986, opposite Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink. Three years later he landed the lead role in his own short-lived TV series, The Famous Teddy Z, then appeared with Charlie Sheen in Hot Shots, a big-screen comedy. In 2003, Jon re-teamed with Sheen in Two and a Half Men, which became the highest rated sitcom on TV, until it shut down production in 2010 because of Charlie’s addiction and erratic behavior. When filming resumed, Hugh Grant was supposed to act opposite Jon, but when he backed out, Ashton Kutcher stepped in, and Men lasted for five more seasons. Jon has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and he is the only man to ever win both Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor EMMYs for the same show.

I first met Jon and Charlie back in 2008 when they appeared on my “Salute to TV Moms” event at the Television Academy, then returned to help me the following year for the “Salute to TV Dads”. Charlie began his downward spiral not long after the “Dads” event. Last week I spoke with Jon about his new book, his image, and his relationship with Sheen.

Jim: When preparing to film Pretty in Pink, Molly Ringwald thought you were gay, and you had to explain to her that you weren’t. Does that make you the first actor in the history of Hollywood to ever come out as “straight”?

Jon: (laughs) I suppose so now that you mention it. I am a pioneer. I can now leave the twilight world of the heterosexual.

Jim: Once when you were sitting around on a sound stage waiting to film a TV pilot, the studio audience started laughing before you ever said a word. In your book you said you came to the realization that, “They were laughing at the very idea of me.”

Jon: Yeah, I think being inherently somewhat ridiculous just gives people empathy. The second you walk out on stage, they see that thing in them that’s awkward, or doesn’t feel comfortable, and they empathize with it. To some degree I feel lucky that I’ve been blessed with that.

Jim: What was your assessment of Charlie Sheen’s talent in the first few years you worked together?

Jon: He made it look so easy, and that confidence infused our comedic dynamic, which was incredibly helpful. Even on my first audition with him, the smoothness of his delivery and his confidence created a perfect foil for me. He might have been out until 3 a.m., but he would still show up and he knew all his lines, rock solid.

But all that changed when Charlie’s drug addiction worsened. In his book, Jon describes Charlie as “starting to look gaunt, and his teeth looked like they were going to fall out. He still remembered his lines, but his timing was off.”

Jon: So when Charlie started falling apart, it was shocking because I was always the one who screwed up. We knew something was wrong.

Jim: And after an intervention by network brass and producers had failed, production shut down and Charlie was fired. Were you surprised at how that went down?

Jon: Yeah because generally they’ll just put up with a problem until the thing can’t work anymore. But in this case they were proactive. We could have finished the season and provided Warner Brothers with millions more dollars in revenue by completing that season, but instead they decided that continuing was going to kill Charlie.

Jim: Charlie apologized to you at a private meeting last year, but I got the sense that you didn’t buy into the apologies. Have you forgiven him and are you still friends?

Jon: The sober guy that I knew and worked with for five or six years, that guy is absolutely still my friend. But I don’t know that Charlie Sheen ever wants to be that guy again.

Jim: Would you ever want to work with him again?

Jon: If he made a lot of changes in his life. If he wanted to be that sober guy, but I don’t think he does.

Jim: Since you’ve done a lot of comedy, are you going to wait around until a dramatic role comes along?

Jon: No, I don’t do that. I just want to make great stuff. if it’s funny, great. If it’s dramatic, great. I’ll even do another multi-camera comedy. I love working that way.

And why not? Audiences love the very idea of Jon.

(So That Happened is published by New American Library, and is available in bookstores and on Amazon.)