Triad Today

Last week Governor Pat McCrory stopped by the ABC45 studio to tape a special edition of Triad Today.

It was McCrory’s sixth visit to the program. The unedited half hour discussion will air this weekend. What follows are highlights from my exclusive interview with the Governor.

JL: In light of the Charleston church massacre, would you be in favor of stricter gun policies such as a much longer waiting period, and upping the age limit for gun ownership?

PM: I don’t think we need any new laws, but I do think we shouldn’t weaken the laws that we currently have.

That’s one reason I want the state legislature to continue to allow the sheriffs to do background checks, because it’s often our 100 sheriffs in North Carolina who know the background of someone who’s maybe involved in domestic violence, or has mental illness problems which federal background checks don’t always show…The guy who did this terrible crime in Charleston, not only was he a racist, but I also think he had some drug and mental health issues. … Everyone’s talking about the gun issue and the racial issues, but I think there’s some serious drug and mental health issues too.

JL: You’re in favor of banning the Confederate flag from license plates, but—

PN: The battle flag, and that’s from a state-sponsored license plate.

JL: I understand, but is that really going to make a difference?

PM: For a shooting like this, no. But the battle flag has been hijacked for the last 50 years by the KKK and now by hate groups. I think we did the right thing by not allowing the battle flag on state-sponsored license plates because of the signal it sends. But, at the same time, I think there’s an overreaction on the Left to take it out of war memorials and cemeteries.

JL: Speaking of racial divides, there have been a number of incidents in which a racist white cop shoots or assaults an innocent black person, and it’s always in a city where blacks are under represented on the force. Shouldn’t we require local police departments to hire according to the demographic make-up of that city?

PM: I’m not sure that would be legal because then you’d be making an employment decision based upon someone’s skin color…but I’m a firm believer in having a pool of candidates that resembles the community.

JL: Same-sex marriage is legal in our state, yet the General Assembly overrode your veto of a bill that will now allow magistrates and register of deeds to opt out of serving same-sex couples if it offends their religious sensibilities. Any comment?

PM: I’m conservative when it comes to marriage between a man and a woman, but I believe I was sworn to uphold the Constitution and the laws of North Carolina…and I don’t think a magistrate should be exempt from that… If you have a job and you swore an oath to the Constitution, you ought to follow it. And if you vehemently disagree with it because of whatever belief, then you ought to quit your job.

JL: The General Assembly is also trying to block you on bringing a bond referendum to the voters. Why do we need the bonds you’re proposing?

PM: I’m a firm believer that we have to invest in the next generation… We’re the ninth-most populous state in America, and we haven’t had a bond referendum in fifteen years, and during that fifteen years, we became the ninth-most populous state. The first part of the bond is for transportation, and that would, for example, finish I-74 in Winston-Salem which is desperately needed. If we don’t pass the bond, then I-74 won’t be built for another decade. So are we going to prepare for growth, or are we going to react to growth?

JL: Senator Wade finally prevailed and the General Assembly has passed a law that will restructure Greensboro City Council, and essentially strip the mayor’s office of power. As a former mayor, and now governor, do you think state government should meddle in local government?

PM: As a conservative I believe in local control, so the governor and the state legislature shouldn’t meddle in Greensboro City Council business. If they want to do that, then go run for mayor, go run for city council. You were elected senator, so do your job… For whatever reason when some people get power in one area they want to keep the power they might have had from where they lived.

The Governor and I covered a number of other topics during the half hour, including his revised approach to Voter Photo ID’s, the relationship between education and the private sector, and whether he would consider running as vice president if asked by the party nominee. The full interview can be seen Saturday at 7:30am on WXLV ABC45 and again on Sunday at 11am on WMYV MY48.

Kathy Garver is most famous for her role as orphaned teenager Cissy Davis in the hit comedy Family Affair, which aired on CBS from 1966 to 1971. But Cissy was not Kathy’s first role. In fact, by the time Family Affair premiered, Garver was already a Hollywood veteran who always seemed to play characters younger than her actual age. At 11, for example, she could pass for a six-year-old child when standing next to Charlton Heston in The Ten Commandments. But young Miss Garver made her mark on the small screen too, appearing in over a dozen TV shows before she reached her teens. And while she excelled in comedies and dramas, Kathy’s favorite roles were in Westerns, like The Rifleman, The Big Valley, and Daniel Boone.

KG: I love Westerns. I’m a cowgirl at heart, and I love to be outside. And I love animals, and so it was really fun for me to ride the horses and to be shooting outside instead of being in a stuffy studio. It was just a delight. I also liked the stories and I liked the people. I liked it when men were men and women were women (laughs) and we were all forging forth. I’m an adventurer and a romantic, so all of that mixed together to make me really like Westerns.

Kathy liked Western stars, too, so it’s no surprise that she had great chemistry with Family Affair patriarch Brian Keith, himself a veteran of TV and movie Westerns. But in order for CBS to land Keith as Bill Davis, bachelor uncle to Cissy and her younger siblings Jody (Johnny Whitaker) and Buffy (Anissa Jones), the Tiffany Network had to pay Brian a big salary, give him a piece of the profits, and make him a promise that he would only have to work 29 days a year. That last condition was great for Keith, but not so much for Garver and the rest of the crew.

JL: It’s hard enough to learn lines for one show, but due to Brian’s schedule, you had to keep 32 episodes in your head at once. What was that like?

KG: Well that was a challenge (laughs). It was one of those things that one learns to live with. In reality though, I think it was more of a test for the wardrobe ladies’ abilities to try and match things. There was this one episode (season 3, episode 27: “Flower Power”), a hippie episode that we shot during Brian’s 29 day “visit” to our show, and I filmed in an outfit with this necklace, and we shot all of his scenes. Fast forward two months later, and I had taken some of my wardrobe home. Well, I didn’t realize we were picking up that scene, and I didn’t have the necklace with me. So poor Thelma, our wardrobe lady, had to speed out of there and go all around Hollywood. She did not find the same necklace, but it was quite similar, and if you have an eagle eye, you’ll see it on that episode.

Despite a challenging work schedule, though, Garver recalls her time on Family Affair with great fondness.

JL: What made Family Affair so popular and so enduring?

KG: Classic story lines. We had fabulous writers on our series including Edmund Hartmann who oversaw the scripts, and was also president of the Writers Guild, and had written wonderful movies. But it was the classic story line of, “Here’s the problem, how are we going to solve it?” Then there’s the climax, and the denouement. We also had wonderful actors. And it endured because it was something to which anybody could relate to today, no matter what kind of family you have. And the characters all loved each other, so love to me is all-enduring, classic, and will be around forever.

Nevertheless, Family Affair was canceled by CBS after five seasons. ABC was then poised to pick up the popular show for a sixth season, but went with a new family comedy instead. That new sitcom was The Brady Bunch. Kathy was disappointed, but not deterred.

KG: I think everyone was kind of surprised because it was not expected. But then you say, “OK it’s time for the next move.” I had graduated college, so I thought, “Should I be a lawyer? Should I do a play? Should I go back and work in films?” So I was ready for my next step.

That next step included more TV and film jobs, and a career in voiceover work. Kathy has also written a book titled Surviving Cissy: My Family Affair of Life in Hollywood, which is being released in September. She sent me an advance copy of the book which is chock-full of entertaining stories, like the time she appeared alongside Burt Reynolds on Hollywood Squares.

JL: Burt asked you to spend the weekend with him, but you turned him down. Why?

KG: Dumb (laughs). He was darling and he was nice. Maybe I was a little afraid, a little timid. I don’t think I was ready to make that next big step, spending the weekend with a movie star, no matter how appealing.

That kind of maturity and restraint was an indication of how well rounded and well grounded Kathy was, despite her celebrity status.

JL: You wrote in your book that you never wanted to be a star, that you just wanted to be a working actress. So how did you stay so level-headed? And how did you avoid the tragedies that had befallen so many other young actors, including Anissa who died of a drug overdose at 18?

KG: It was my parents who did not spend all my money, but saved it all for me. It was my education. I went to school and found out there’s more to the world than just acting. I learned how to control my finances so I wouldn’t spend $2,000 on a pair of shoes, then when a series is canceled, not have any money. And I invested wisely. And it was not doing drugs.

These days when Kathy’s not acting or teaching other actors the art of voiceover, she is a popular fixture at nostalgia events, such as the upcoming Western Film Fair in Winston-Salem.

KG: I love to meet the people at those events. It’s a real ego boost when someone says, “Oh I watched you on Family Affair. It was my favorite show!” So it’s kind of nice. I like that.

Yes, but do Kathy’s fans know she was really 21 years old while playing Cissy as a 16-year-old?

JL: You’re famous for being able to play characters who are younger than you are in real life. Since you look so young, will you be playing 90 year olds when you’re 100?

KG: (laughs) I hope so, Jim. I can only hope.

Surviving Cissy can be pre-ordered from Amazon.com. The Western Film Fair runs from July 8 through July 11. For more information, visit WesternFilmFair.com.

She seduced James Bond in a casino and posed nude for Playboy, but ask Lana Wood to describe herself, and she won’t say “sex symbol”. “Believe it or not, I was an incorrigible tomboy as a kid,” said Wood. And like most tomboys, Lana never dreamed of becoming an actress, but when your big sister is movie star Natalie Wood, you sort of gravitate to the family business. Lana spoke with me last week from her home in southern California.

JL: I gleaned from your book, Natalie, that you were never obsessed with acting, but that your mom pushed you into it.


LW: I think when you’re born into a household where your sister is already a recognized star and things revolved completely around the motion picture industry, then that becomes your norm. But I don’t think that would have been what I would have planned or chosen for myself. I actually wanted to be a marine biologist for many years, but I was always working.

But I like acting very much. I love meeting new people, even being uprooted constantly going from set to set. But no, I didn’t want to be a star. I just wanted to do my work and go home.

And though Lana didn’t want to follow in Natalie’s footsteps, her first film role had her playing a younger version of her older sister in The Searchers. It was a classic Western that gave little Lana a chance to be around all sorts of critters and one larger-than-life cowboy.

JL: What was it like working with John Wayne?


LW: I adored John Wayne. He was like this big sort of lumbering presence, and he would stand next to me, and pull out these Allenbury’s black currant pastilles candies, which he was always chewing on, and had with him all the time. He would open up the tin and say to me, “Take one.” Then he’d say, “Take another one.” (laughs) Then he’d give me a pat on the back, and off he’d go. He always acknowledged my presence.

Somehow being around horses and cowboys made the job of acting more palatable to tomboy Lana, so much so that as she grew into adulthood, she always jumped at the chance to work in the Western genre, both in film and on television. Her small screen credits included such oaters as Have Gun Will Travel, Bonanza, and The Wild Wild West.

JL You really loved doing Westerns, didn’t you?


LW: Yes, I loved it because I’m a horse person. They could put me on any horse, and I wasn’t afraid of snakes or animals of any kind, so yes I adored Westerns. The genre appeals to me, but I also like the connotations of the genre as well. When I was doing Grey Eagle with Ben Johnson, they put me on a horse bareback that I had never been on in my life and said, “Go as fast as you can from here all the way down to the cabin, and we’ll follow you on this camera.” The horse stumbled and they panicked because they thought, “We’ve lost her!” But I was fine and kept right on going.

Along the way, Lana paid her dues by acting in all kinds of genres, including a recurring role in the groundbreaking nighttime soap, Peyton Place.

JL: Peyton Place was sort of racy for the time.


LW: Oh yes, that stirred the pot enormously, very racy back then. That was sensational. It’s just too bad I was so young when I did it. I would like to have experienced it with a few more brain cells (laughs).

But the woman who described herself to me as having once been a “scarecrow with large breasts”, grew into an accomplished actress, and became comfortable in the spotlight, and in her own skin. So much so that she readily accepted Hugh Hefner’s invitation to pose nude for a 1971 issue of Playboy. That photo spread landed her a role in the James Bond film Diamonds Are Forever opposite Sean Connery. And though the couple’s on-screen romance was cut short by villains who threw Lana off of a hotel balcony, Wood and Connery struck up a real-life romance away from the cameras.

JL: Connery has a reputation as sort of a misogynist, so how did the two of you get along?


LW: We got along great. Sean is how Sean is. At least he is not full of pretense. I would rather be with someone where I can say, “Wow, I don’t like this or that about them, but at least I know who they are.” I wouldn’t marry somebody like that, but it was fun at the time.

In recent years Lana has been outspoken in her quest for the truth about what happened the night her sister Natalie drowned after having spent time on her yacht with husband Robert Wagner and actor Christopher Walken.

JL: The tabloids have made it sound as though you think RJ murdered Natalie, but if he was involved, surely you believe it was accidental?


LW: Of course it was accidental. Vengeance is not mine though. You know what I mean? I’m missing that gene. People ask why I don’t do this or that, and I tell them, “because it does not change the outcome,” and I’m very much a bottom-line person.


Now if somebody said “If you do this or that, your sister will come back,” then I’d walk over broken glass. But that’s not going to happen. This is very complex, and yes I believe he was involved, I mean he was there. Do I think he should be punished? I think people dole out their own punishment. I think people are far better at punishing themselves than anyone else could be, and I can only imagine what it is RJ’s had to live with.


That doesn’t mean I’m not loyal to my sister because I miss her horribly. It ruined a great many lives, most of all it ruined Natalie’s life. Let’s please remember that.

Today Lana is constantly on the go. She is currently shooting one film, and has three others in production, and is very much in demand at nostalgia events. Next month she’ll be appearing at the Western Film Fair and Nostalgia Convention in Winston-Salem. In fact, Lana is so busy, I was lucky to even catch up to her for a telephone interview.

LW: If I sound winded right now, it’s because I’m changing my clothing because I need to take my granddaughter to a swim party.


JL: All my buddies will be jealous when I tell them that I was on the phone with Lana Wood while she was getting undressed.


LW: (laughs) You’re funny!

Funny maybe, but I too am winded because I just glanced at Lana’s Playboy photos. Be still my heart, and thank the Lord for tomboys!

Lana’s book Natalie is available through Amazon.com. The Western Film Fair runs from July 8 through July 11. For more information, visit WesternFilmFair.com.

The North Carolina General Assembly never ceases to amaze me. This is the august body that in 2013 considered jail time an appropriate punishment for any woman who displayed her areola in public. The bill was proposed by a legislator who feared that wild women would overrun our State, displaying their naked breasts. But as I pointed out in my column at the time, areola can also refer to a pimple, which means every teenager in the State would be arrested if the bill was enacted. Cooler heads prevailed, and neither breastfeeding women nor teenagers with acne were sent to prison.

Unfortunately cooler heads do not always prevail in Raleigh. Last week the General Assembly once again distinguished itself when Senator Phil Berger and House Speaker Tim Moore managed to successfully override Governor McCrory’s veto of a bill that effectively makes homosexuals second-class citizens. Senate bill SB2 says that magistrates can refuse to perform marriage ceremonies, and registers of deeds can refuse to issue marriage licenses, if their religious beliefs prevent them from doing so. How, you ask, did this absurd bill ever see the light of day?

Before the ink was dry on a federal court decision making gay marriage legal in North Carolina, a Wentworth magistrate, John Kallam, resigned in protest rather than face the unpleasant task of having to join two men or two women in matrimony. Kallam’s resignation was just the ammunition Berger needed to put a back door fly in the high court ruling’s ointment, by playing the religious freedom card. Even though 51 of 54 register of deeds polled were against the bill, SB2 passed with flying colors. But never fear. Governor McCrory had made it clear that he would abide by the court’s decision despite his personal opposition to same sex marriage. Further, the Governor was opposed to any civil servant shirking his or her duties for any reason. To his credit, McCrory stood up to bully Berger and his right wing, homophobe cronies, and issued a veto of SB2.

As expected, Berger and his Senate crusaders voted to override McCrory’s veto. But opponents of SB2 still had hope that the House override would fail. However, Speaker Moore, who controls the calendar, scheduled his override vote on a day when a number of pro-McCrory representatives were absent.

The Governor came up short by one vote, and SB2 became law. “It’s a disappointing day for the rule of law and the process of passing legislation in North Carolina,” said the Governor.

Indeed. Especially because Berger has been known to play hard ball, and we may never know if the Senator and Speaker Moore exerted pressure on the absent members to stay away from work so that the bill could pass. In any event, while Berger’s bill was aimed at discouraging gay marriage, he has effectively opened up a legal can of worms that could allow magistrates and registers of deeds to take a powder anytime they don’t approve of a particular couple. Don’t want to issue a license to a Black groom and a White bride? No problem. Don’t want to marry a Jew to a Catholic? That’s OK too. Don’t want to officiate for a Democrat bride and a Socialist groom? Just hide behind SB2.

Like Mr. Kallam, Swain County magistrate Gilbert Breedlove had also resigned in protest of the gay marriage law, but after last week’s successful override vote, he gloated to the Greensboro News & Record that now he can “bring my morals and integrity to the position instead of checking it at the door.” The problem is that the lawmakers who voted for SB2 did check their morals at the door, then closed that door behind them in order to keep out anyone who doesn’t look, sound, or believe the way they do.

I really wish the General Assembly had stuck to regulating naked nipples, and stayed the hell out of the nuptials business. What a bunch of boobs.

During his eight seasons as an NFL cornerback, Fred Williamson was known as “The Hammer” because of the way he judo-chopped receivers with a forearm to the head. That was 50 years ago, and now Williamson is just shy of 80. But make no mistake, The Hammer could still beat up me and 10 of my friends in a street fight with very little effort. Of course I don’t have 10 friends, but that’s another story.

After retiring from football, Fred became an actor, and attacked his film and TV roles with the same zeal as he once had with wide receivers. His big break came in 1969 when Fred was cast as Diahann Carroll’s love interest in the groundbreaking television series, Julia. I asked my friend Diahann how it was to work with Fred. “I liked him,” she said. “He had a very dry sense of humor and so do I,” (laughs) “and also I thought he was quite serious about his work, which is terribly important, particularly when you’re doing a television series, and you’re together on a daily basis.”

Even then, Diahann recognized Fred’s drive and ambition, and she also predicted the course he would set for himself. “He wanted to conquer the world, which was so very difficult for black actors to do, and the few who have done it, have found it was more sensible to also be part of producing and directing.”

And that’s exactly what Williamson did. He set out to control his own image and his own destiny and has, to date, produced and directed over 30 films. I spoke with Fred late last month as he was returning from a Wounded Warriors event.

JL: Why was it so important for you to branch out from acting and become a writer/producer/director?

FW: It’s really simple. The kinds of roles they were offering blacks at the time just did not fit my image and my character. I mean, I graduated from Northwestern University with an architectural engineering degree. As a matter of fact, I worked as an architectural engineer for Bechtel Steel in the off-season when I wasn’t playing football. So I had an image of what I wanted to see in Hollywood, and it just wasn’t given to me. At that time blacks needed heroes. We didn’t have any heroes. All we had was Sidney Poitier, and Sidney is a great actor, but he didn’t represent anything to me on a physical side. Me being a physical person, coming out of football, I’m not the kind of guy who can turn the other cheek. That’s my weakness. If you hit me, I’m taking you out. Anyway, that was a time when they were siccing dogs on black people, and turning water cannons on blacks in the street. There was no stand-up guy in Hollywood to represent us.

So I took it upon myself to be that kind of guy. Also, I knew that if I was going to be successful in the film business that I would have to do it myself.

The film that launched Fred’s big screen career was The Legend of Nigger Charley.

FW: That was my step into being a black man on film. Being harassed, being a slave who kicks the master’s ass, runs away, and becomes a gunfighter in the West. That stood the black community on my side, watching me make this transition into being a tough guy.

Williamson continued that tough guy persona in a string of movies that some critics labeled as “blaxploitation” films. Fred didn’t necessarily see it that way.

FW: Back then blacks were making films that were all about “Let’s get Whitey”, “Let’s pay back Whitey”, and that’s not the kind of films I wanted to make. It’s not the way I felt. I killed all the bad guys, regardless of race. If you were bad, you went down in my movies.

JL: Speaking of race, guys like you have come under fire from blacks and whites alike for using the “N” word in your films. Do you ever wish you hadn’t done that?

FW: If people hide from the word, then it is an issue. If it’s used and overused, it doesn’t become acceptable, and it doesn’t create any negativity. Also, everything has a different interpretation when you say it, like I say “Dawg” a lot.” (laughs)

JL: A couple of years ago, the NFL tried to enforce a 15-yard penalty for anyone of any race who used the “N word on the field.

FW: Yeah, well look how fast that went away. They were trying to be politically correct, but I guarantee you that word is being used out there by big fat guys staring at each other at the line of scrimmage.

JL: Speaking of the NFL, I guess with all of the new rules in place to protect the offensive guys, if you were playing now, you’d be in jail.

FW: No, they would just fine me $25,000 as soon as I stepped out onto the field, and when they kicked off, they would fine me another $25,000 because they know I was going to drop the hammer on somebody.” (laughs)

JL: But a lot of NFL players have retired with concussions and suffer with the effects of long term injury, so it’s a serious issue.

FW: Yeah, but how do you know where the concussion came from? That’s the problem. You can’t prove that your concussion came from when you played in the NFL. You could have got it in high school or college. That’s the argument that the League is going to get around to. The only way to prove it, is to take a baseline MRI the first day of camp, then do a follow up periodically. Then you’ve got an argument.


JL: Did you like playing football more than making movies?

FW: No. You can’t compare an athlete to an actor. An actor is full of bullshit. You can kiss ass and get a part in a movie, but you can’t kiss ass and make a team. A team is ability, you’ve got to be good enough to do what you say you can do. An actor is in a business, and I’m lucky to be in it, but it’s not the same as being a professional athlete.

JL: Did you have as much fun making westerns as I did watching them?

FW: Yeah! I mean you try to ride a horse and look cool when you’ve never been on a horse in your whole life, and you try to ride like John Wayne—shit! That’s a challenge, that’s great, that’s creative stuff. That’s doing something different in your life, and it’s challenging.

I originally called Fred because he was scheduled to attend next month’s Western Film Fair in Winston-Salem, but that now conflicts with a movie he’s scheduled to shoot in Rome. Before we concluded our conversation, I asked Fred to repeat his oft-quoted “3 Rules of Law” that he has for anyone who wants him to star in their film.

FW: You can’t kill me in the movie. I have to win all my fights, and I get the girl at the end of the movie if I want her. If you don’t want to do that, then I ain’t interested.” (laughs)

So sayeth “The Hammer”. But he better look out, ‘cause someday when he least expects it, I will actually have 10 friends, and we’ll be ready to rumble.

Each week I use the last few moments of my “Triad Today” television show to comment on weird and wacky stories in the news. Here are some of the weirdest and wackiest from the past year.

POOH BARE

A town council in Poland has decided against naming a playground after Winnie the Pooh, because they say the bear has an “unclear gender and a naked bottom.” “So much for the Bruce Jenner-Kim Kardashian Parkway,” said one official.

SUM WEDDING

A bride in New Delhi called off her wedding because the groom failed a math quiz. Asked what is 15 plus 6, the man answered “17.” Said the groom, “OK, so I’m bad at addition, but I thought we were just going to multiply.”

HAVE IT YOUR WAY

Burger King announced it is paying all wedding expenses for Joel Burger and Ashley King because their last names are Burger and King. “That’s a great idea!,” said sweethearts John Dairy and Sally Queen.

MAGICAL ERECTION

A scientist in Switzerland says he can cure erectile dysfunction by simply shining a powerful light on your private parts. So far the E.D. cure only works on mice, which may explain why Minnie Mouse is always smiling.

DISNEY DISEASE

Disneyland says there’s been an outbreak of measles among its patrons. Last week, a Disney DOC said he was not HAPPY about reporting the epidemic, nor BASHFUL about blasting DOPEY parents for bringing their sick kids to the park who are now SNEEZY, SLEEPY, and GRUMPY.

HANDS-ON CURE

An Iowa chiropractor has lost his license because he was performing exorcisms on female patients in exchange for sex. Asked to describe her first chiropractic sexorcism, one patient said, “It was quite an adjustment.”

DATE RAID

A new perfume called “Aromaflage” is guaranteed to make women irresistible to the opposite sex, while also keeping bugs from biting. Asked if she would wear a perfume that attracts men and repels pests, one woman said, “How do you know which is which?”

NATURE HIKE

Last week a troop of cub scouts from San Diego went on a hike that accidentally took them traipsing through a nude beach. Asked if anything about the naked people bothered him, one scout said, “Yeah, where do they pin their merit badges?’

PHALLIC PLAY-DOH

Hasbro is in trouble for selling a toy that looks like male genitalia. The item in question is a ribbed, plastic tube which squeezes out Play-Doh to look like cake frosting. Some Moms have complained that it looks like a very large sex toy, while others aren’t complaining at all.

50 SHADES WITHOUT GREY

Jesse Gallan, the oldest woman in Scotland, just turned 109 years old. She says the secret to long life is avoiding men. In related news, CBS just renewed Ellen DeGeneres through the year 2065.

CAVE MEN

You’ve heard of the Ming Dynasty and the Tang Dynasty. Well, archeologists at Oxford now say they believe Neanderthals and Humans had offspring together. It’s called the Duck Dynasty.

LOWEBOT

Lowe’s Home Improvement just announced that it will start using robots for customer service. In keeping with Lowe’s way of doing things, when you ask the robot a question, he’s trained to disappear for 20 minutes and go look for the manager.

FLIGHT RISK

A man was arrested last week in the Atlanta airport for running around totally naked, and shouting about flight delays. Said one airport official, “It’s too bad. He was one of our best pilots.”

ROYAL PAIN

Last week Queen Elizabeth’s prized racehorse failed a substance abuse test, showing that he was hyped up on morphine. Asked if she had ever done anything illegal with a horse, the Queen replied, “Does Camilla count?”

CRAYON DRESS

Bloomingdales is now selling a dress made entirely of crayons. Asked why the crayon dresses are so popular, one store clerk said, “Because they’re easy to mark up.”

KARDASHIAN KLOTHING

After several years of moderate sales, SEARS and the Kardashian women have parted ways in their clothing venture. Said one SEARS spokesperson, “We no longer want to be associated with something so cheap and easily made. And we don’t like the clothing either.”

What do NASCAR legend Richard Petty and Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton have in common? The answer is the Ricky Proehl Celebrity Golf Classic, and a friendship with the man for who the event is named.

Proehl, a former NFL great and now wide receiver coach for the Panthers, is also founder of the P.O.W.E.R. of Play Foundation that serves at-risk youth through a highly structured, sports-based program at Proehlific Park in Greensboro.

“We’ve learned that by showing a child love, acceptance and respect, that we can, in turn, help change their lives,” said Proehl. “The Foundation teaches the children in our programs through our core values of Play, Opportunity, Work, Excellence, and Respect. We tell them, ‘You can do whatever you want to do if you surround yourself with good people and make good choices.’ ”

No doubt there’s a need for programs like those offered through P.O.W.E.R. of Play, especially for latchkey kids who need mentoring. According to the US Census Bureau, 77% of American youth are left at home every afternoon. And according to the North Carolina Department of Juvenile Justice, most juvenile offenses occur around 3pm on weekdays. Proehl’s work with young people pays off. According to national statistics cited on his Foundation website, kids who are mentored are 46% less likely to start using illegal drugs and 52% less likely to skip school.

In order to sustain his foundation, Proehl hosts the annual Celebrity Golf Classic which this year will be held on Friday, June 5 at Greensboro Country Club. Newton and Petty will attend the Pairings Party the night before at the Proximity Hotel in Greensboro, while Panthers head coach Ron Rivera and dozens of NFL stars, including Jerricho Cotchery, will also play in the Golf Classic. Hutchinson Family office, a full service wealth management firm, is this year’s presenting sponsor of the Classic.

“We’ve been so touched by the work Ricky has done with young people over the past few years, that we wanted to be involved in this special fundraising event,” said Steve Hutchinson, founder and CEO.

This is not the first time Richard Petty has teamed with Proehl. Last fall, NASCAR’s winningest driver and seven-time national champion, presented the P.O.W.E.R. of Play Foundation with a generous contribution, courtesy of the Petty Family Foundation, which supports a number of charities, chief among them Victory Junction Camp. During the holidays, Petty, Proehl, and Hutchinson distributed food, clothing, and toys to families in need.

Meanwhile this will be Cam Newton’s first time teaming up with Petty to attend the Pairings Party, which also raises money for the P.O.W.E.R. of Play Foundation. The two-time Pro Bowler from Atlanta joined the Panthers in 2011 after winning the Heisman Trophy and a national championship at Auburn. He was named NFL rookie of the year, and passed for 400 yards in his very first game. Like Proehl, the Panthers quarterback is all-too-familiar with the needs of young people, who he works with in his Cam Newton Foundation.

“I enjoy working with Ricky as a coach, and I really admire what he’s doing to help kids,” said Newton. “Both of our foundations focus on helping kids reach their full potential through special programs and mentoring.”

At last year’s holiday drive, I reminded Richard Petty that not everyone has fully recovered from the recession, and that money is still tight, even for those of us with a job. His response was inspirational and direct, “Most of us may not be as well off as we used to be, but we’re so much better off than the majority of people, so why not give back a little?” Tickets to next Thursday’s Pairings Party are still available at $100 per person. The cost to watch Friday’s golf classic is $50 per person. Children under 8 will be admitted free, but anyone under 16 must be accompanied by an adult. To purchase tickets, register a foursome for the Celebrity Golf Classic, or learn how you can support the P.O.W.E.R. of Play Foundation, visit POWERofPlayFoundation.org.

It’s not unusual for a politician to get tagged with a nickname, but it’s pretty uncommon for two freshman congresspersons to share the same moniker. Around the nation’s capitol, Representatives Alma Adams and Mark Walker are known as “MALMA,” an affectionate amalgamation of their first names. The co-joined ID is inspired by a number of factors. They both reside in Guilford, and their districts (Mark’s 6th and Alma’s 12th) represent constituents in the gerrymandered county. And though they sit on opposite sides of the aisle in Congress (Alma with the Democrats and Mark with the Republicans), “MALMA” work well together and have developed a growing friendship and respect for one another. It’s a refreshing change from the vitriol and gridlock we’ve come to expect from Congress. Moreover, theirs is a relationship, which has helped to advance legislation about some very important issues ranging from human trafficking to hunger.

This weekend, Alma and Mark will appear on my Triad Today television show to discuss those and other issues, some of which they agree on, others not so much. Yet the two share a common respect for each other, and for the constituents they represent.

Our discussion was taped on Wednesday May 6 while Adams and Walker were on break from their duties in Washington. For the record, Representative Renee Ellmers was also invited to participate and agreed to do so. However, the night before we taped our program, her assistant called and cancelled. Ellmers, it seems, decided to attend a party in Raleigh given by some friends of her son. Breaking a promise to communicate with constituents, in order to attend a social engagement, does not speak well for an elected official. Fortunately, though, “MALMA” kept their promise, and we learned a lot from them as a result. Here then, are some highlights from our discussion.

JL: Congratulations Mark, on getting your Human Trafficking bill through the Senate. Tell us again why it was needed and what it will accomplish.

MW: This is a growing criminal industry …North Carolina is getting ready to move from 9th to 7th in overall human trafficking, whether it’s sex trafficking or labor trafficking. And what we wanted to do in our bill is to make sure we’re having our security folks, the border patrol, even the TSA, go through the proper training to be able to spot either the victims or the perpetrators who may be trying to bring in really young folks to force them into this kind of slavery.

JL: Alma, you’re pushing for an emergency food bank. Why?

AA: Hunger in our community is at an emergency level now. We’ve seen the report that put North Carolina at the top of the list for hunger, and here in the 12th district, hunger is very prevalent. The Triad has been mentioned as having a real issue with lack of food, so we need to provide food for people who need it right now.

JL: Does that mean federal funding will be involved?

AA: Absolutely. I think the federal government can do a lot in that regard. Right now in the Agriculture committee and the subcommittee on Nutrition, we’re looking at various programs that will put food back into the community, “SNAP” (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) for children, and so forth.

JL: Mark you also sponsored a bill to provide police with body cameras. Will this help reduce the kinds of incidents we’ve seen occur in Ferguson and Baltimore in making police more accountable?

MW: I think so, but what we’re hearing from law enforcement agencies is that this is something they welcome to prove that ninety-plus percent of them are doing a great job. Our goal is to show people that this protects not only the police, but also any potential victims.

JL: Mark you’ve been pushing for term limits. How’s that effort going, Don Quixote?

MW: (laughs) I’m not getting a lot of “Amens,” to use my ministerial background as a reference, and yes, we’re fighting dragons there. But there is a piece of legislation by Andy Barr of Kentucky that may get a little traction. It proposes that a Congressman serve 12 years maximum, take at least a two-year break, and then if you want to run again, you would be able to do so.

AA: My position on term limits has remained the same, which is that constituents will determine your limits. If you’ve got a Congressman or a legislator in the State House or Senate who’s doing a good job and doing what the people want them to do, then they should be allowed to continue. I think the people can determine those limits.

My interviews with “MALMA” can be seen this Saturday at 7:30am on WXLV abc45, and Sunday at 11am on MY48.

While accepting her Oscar for Boyhood earlier this year, CSI: Cyber star Patricia Arquette implored the Academy audience to support wage equality for women. It was one of the few times I can recall a “political” speech being met with unanimous acceptance during an awards ceremony. More than that, Arquette’s diatribe in effect jump-started a renewed interest in the pay disparity debate.

A few weeks later in recognition of National Equal Pay Day, comedienne Sarah Silverman asked women to join the #Ask4More campaign. According to Glamour magazine, her urging was related to a Levo League study which showed that 63% of women felt uncomfortable negotiating for a job offer, and 66% said they didn’t know how to ask for more money.

It is both sad and amazing that in the year 2015, women still make only 78 cents for every dollar earned by a man. Here in North Carolina the pay disparity is actually a bit better than the national average. Back in March, a new study showed that Tar Heel women are paid 83 cents of what men earn for the same job. The really bad news, though, is that the study concluded that women in North Carolina won’t achieve equal pay status until the year 2064!

Over the past few weeks, working women and their advocates have railed against pay disparity, and pulled out the so-called Equal Pay Act like some sort of mighty sword. But that sword has lost its edge, and the problem with effecting reforms is threefold. First, when EPA was enacted, it didn’t apply to all working women. Second, it established very strict guidelines for redress. And third, it did nothing to help break or weaken the glass ceiling.

To the first point, President Kennedy signed the Equal Pay Act in 1963, at a time when women earned only 59 cents for every dollar paid to a man for the same job. But the Act itself only applied to hourly workers in bluecollar jobs. It wasn’t until 1972 that it was amended to cover pay disparity in white-collar jobs. In 2009, President Obama signed into law the Fair Pay Act (FPA), ostensibly because EPA lacked effective tools to persuade or punish offending employers.

But while the two Acts were necessary, they have proven to be largely ineffective, otherwise we would have achieved wage equality by now.

Second, EPA mainly protected women against pay disparity related specifically to sex discrimination. As Nolo.com reminds us, the way EPA was structured, a woman with a grievance had an uphill battle when seeking redress. That’s because to raise a discrimination claim, you must demonstrate that you and someone of the opposite sex are working in the same place, are doing equal work, and that you are receiving unequal pay because you’re a woman. But as Nolo points out, there’s not always agreement on what constitutes equal work. At some job sites, for example, a male employee might be asked to do extra work, and then receives extra compensation for that work. If his female counterpart isn’t asked to also do extra work, then she receives less pay, even though their job descriptions are identical. Also, if that same male has been evaluated as having demonstrated higher productivity than the female, then he might earn a slightly higher salary than she.

Finally, neither EPA nor FPA have made it any easier or more lucrative for companies to put women in executive jobs. According to Thinkprogress.org, there are only 48 female CEOs heading up the 1,000 largest corporations in America. That means women hold only 4.8% of the top jobs. Until that figure is much higher, then rank-and-file female employees stand little chance of earning the same pay as men.

True, there are a few jobs in which women make more money than men. AOL and CareerBuilder.com report that a female TV producer/director earns on average $4,000 more than a man, while women teaching special education, and female TSA screeners, are paid about $1,000 more than their male counterparts. But those examples are few and far between. So too are instances of female executives who earn more than their fellow male executives. Apple Vice President Angela Ahrendts is the exception, earning over $82 million dollars per year. Nevertheless, pay disparity between the sexes is still a pervasive problem which is not easily corrected or litigated. It’s going to take more than a speech at the Academy Awards to make a course correction. It’s going to take laws without loopholes, and male-dominated corporate boards to be less misogynistic and more proactive.

I am reminded of those “pregnancy suits” that high school boys wear in sex-ed class to let them experience what women go through when having a baby. Perhaps if male lawmakers and male CEOs were made to wear a “Disparity Suit” for awhile, they’d learn what it’s like to earn less money, and then we might not have to wait until 2064 for pay equality. Heck, we might not even have to wait until the end of the week. That’s because men have a low threshold for under-compensated “labor” pains.

In many ways, kids are much smarter than adults. Take trade agreements for example. In my old neighborhood, kids frequently traded all sorts of things with one another, but we always knew what a “fair” trade was. Back then you could swap a Mickey Mantle baseball card for a Willie Mays, or a Superman comic book for a Batman. But you would never trade your bicycle for a bag of marbles. Why? Because that would be stupid, that’s why. No one in his right mind would give up something of great value for something of little value. So why, then, do adults, particularly those who work in Washington, D.C., keep engaging in bad trades? Are they stupid, or do they just have selective amnesia? Or is it something else?

Just over 20 years ago, Bill Clinton, with support from both parties, passed the North American Free Trade Agreement. Clinton promised us that the free trade pact would create one million new jobs within five years. Only a select few souls spoke in opposition, most notably Ross Perot who warned that NAFTA would suck jobs out of our country, and start us down a disastrous economic road. Turns out he was right and Mr. Clinton was wrong.

Last year, in recognition of NAFTA’s 20th anniversary, a number of organizations, politicians, and media outlets offered up progress reports and analysis of the one-sided trade pact. Public Citizens Global Trade Watch, for example, reported that America had lost one million jobs because of NAFTA (about 400,000 of those were in manufacturing), and income inequality grew by obscene proportions. Meanwhile, former Michigan Congressman David Bonior noted that in 1993, America enjoyed a $2.5 billion trade surplus, but by mid-2014 we had a $181 billion trade deficit. That means our trade deficit increased by 450% since NAFTA went into effect. Under NAFTA, U.S. companies shuttered plants at an alarming rate and re-opened them in under developed countries where they paid slave wages to produce much cheaper products. Those goods were then shipped back into America virtually tariff-free. At the same time, countries like China were shipping products to our ports without having met safety and environmental standards. And NAFTA had a negative impact on another kind of import. According to the Economic Policy Institute, NAFTA caused Mexican workers to flee their homeland in search of better employment and higher pay. The result was several million Mexicans immigrating to America, most of whom were undocumented.

In 2008, candidate Barack Obama understood what NAFTA was doing to our economy and vowed to re-negotiate the pact if he became President.

Yet just one month into his Presidency, Mr. Obama’s short-term memory loss set in as he told the Washington Post that any re-negotiation “would have to wait.” Now, seven years later, the President’s amnesia has grown worse because he is using all of his executive powers to push through yet another disastrous trade agreement, the Trans Pacific Partnership, which may involve as many as a dozen nations throughout the Asia-Pacific region. Even worse, negotiations for TPP have taken place largely in private.

According to a New York Times article from February, 2014, Senator Bernie Sanders wrote a letter to U.S. Trade representative Michael Froman, in which he said, “It is incomprehensible to me that the leaders of major corporate interests who stand to gain enormous financial benefits from this agreement are actively involved in the writing of TPP, while at the same time, the elected officials of this country representing the American people, have little or no knowledge as to what’s in it”.

Sanders wasn’t alone in his concerns. Quoting Rep. Brian Higgins, Kevin Jolly of the Buffalo News wrote, “The lack of transparency is disturbing. Why do they want to fast track this thing without any Congressional debate or amendments?” But just over a year ago, we learned why there was a lack of transparency. That’s when some of the details of TPP began to leak out, including provisions for companies to get around U.S. laws and environmental standards.

Speaking on The Ed Show last year, former U.S. Labor Secretary Robert Reich commented that, “TPP is a Trojan Horse in a global race to the bottom, giving big corporations and Wall Street banks a way to eliminate any and all laws and regulations that get in the way of their profits.” He went even further in a video that he released back on January 29, in which he said that TPP will also allow for international tribunals that can require corporations be paid “compensation for any lost profits found to result from a nation’s regulations.”

Economist Joseph Stiglitz was more blunt, telling the New York Times, “TPP presents grave risks…and serves the interests of the wealthiest.” Bernie Sanders concurred, and with a nod to NAFTA said, “Trade agreements like TPP have ended up devastating working families and enriching large corporations. ” Perhaps Mr.Obama isn’t suffering from memory loss after all. Perhaps he is compelled to push for TPP because of pressure from corporate interests who helped put him in office.

But no matter the reason, TPP is dangerous and should not be enacted, at least not without full bi-partisan discourse and disclosure. America simply can’t afford to sign any more one-sided trade pacts. We must demand fair trades, like swapping a Mickey Mantle card for a Willie Mays. Anyone who thinks otherwise has lost his marbles.

Once upon a time, Queen Elizabeth was spotted carrying a basket full of DVDs into Windsor Castle. No doubt the discs were crucially important to the Empire. Perhaps they showed footage from a spy satellite, or video of a secret terrorist camp. Instead the DVDs reportedly contained episodes of the television series Midsomer Murders. And there’s the time German Chancellor Angela Merkel flew to England to meet with Prime Minister David Cameron on an urgent matter. According to insiders, the two leaders spent much of their time together watching episodes of—you guessed it—Midsomer Murders. So what’s the big attraction? Why is Midsomer Murders popular in over 200 countries? And why does it appeal to people from all walks of life? The answer is: John Nettles.

John Vivian Drummond Nettles was born on October 11, 1943 in St. Austell, Cornwall, which he described to me as, “a small rustic county in England where there was no professional theatre, no music, no nothing.” Fortunately John was mentored by a teacher who tapped him to perform in a school production of Macbeth. Said John, “At the time I remember thinking that being in a school play was a kind of foreplay. You got the girl if you played on the stage (laughs).”

In addition to studying girls, Nettles went on to study history at the University of Southampton. After graduation he performed at the Royal Court Theatre and appeared in a number of British TV shows. Then, in 1981 he landed the role of Jim Bergerac, in a detective series by the same name. Bergerac was an overnight success, and Nettles became an overnight sex symbol, who The Guardian described as “Half man, half walnut, and full sex god.” Bergerac ended its run after ten years, at which time John returned to the stage and performed for five seasons with the Royal Shakespeare Company. In his spare time Nettles also authored a number of books. Then came an offer from producer Brian True-May to play aging Detective Chief Inspector Tom Barnaby in Midsomer Murders, a television series based on a book by Caroline Graham.

Over the course of thirteen seasons, John’s face became instantly recognizable to millions of fans worldwide, but he was always willing to share the spotlight, especially with up and coming actors, many who have since become stars in their own right, including Orlando Bloom (Pirates of the Caribbean), Henry Cavill (Superman), Emily Mortimer (The Newsroom), and Toby Jones (The Hunger Games). Of course, most of his guest stars didn’t live through an entire show. That’s because Barnaby had to investigate nearly 300 suspicious deaths from such bizarre causes as drowning in wine, poisoning from a tropical frog, and being burned alive in a straw effigy.

JL: Why is Midsomer Murders so popular?

JN: Because it was charming. I mean, there were lots of murders, but it wasn’t gritty, it was escapism. It was also a classical form of the English Who Done It. I like to think of Midsomer Murders as being Agatha Christie on speed. If she had shot up a bit, she would have produced Midsomer Murders (laughs).

In fact the murder rate in Barnaby’s village was so high, that it prompted John’s former logic professor to comment, “Nettles, by process of elimination, YOU must be the murderer because there’s no one else left.” Even John’s most influential fan took notice of the genteel violence, as evidenced by her comment to him following a ceremony in which she awarded Nettles the Order of the British Empire.

JN: The Queen is a big fan, but she did say she wouldn’t like to live in Midsomer. One of her equaries then chimed in and said, “No Mum, because you’d be dead”, which I thought was as near to lèse-majesté as you can get (laughs)…I had to apologize to the Queen for the number of her subjects we’d done to death in the most horrible way. But I was very pleased that our reigning Monarch liked the show, and indeed, lots of people had a guilty pleasure watching it.

It is important to note, though, that the fictional DCI Barnaby apprehended hundreds of murderers without ever firing a gun.

JL: Is that what attracted you to the role?

JN: I wanted him to be an English gentleman—one who never raises his voice and embodies all the virtues of Englishness, which means not carrying a gun.

JL: You’re also a historian, so do you think America could effectively adopt the UK approach to fighting crime?

JN: The nature of our society and the nature of American society are fundamentally different. The tendency in America is to be more violent, less law-abiding, less obedient. In England we have a habit of consensual government, and also of consensual civil behavior. That means the tendency is to obey the law rather than to break it, and our criminals are not so apt to turn to guns, so it’s difficult to talk about such a thing in America.

JL: Well if folks in England are so civil, then how come Prince Andrew nearly ran over my wife at a cross walk when she was visiting London?

JN: That’s the royal family. They don’t obey anything (laughs).

Nettles hung up his badge in 2011, but Midsomer Murders has continued on with another DCI Barnaby (Neil Dudgeon as Tom’s cousin), and is now in its eighteenth season. Today, John and his wife Cathryn devote much of their time to equine rescue.

JL: Would you ever consider returning to Midsomer Murders as a guest star?

JN: No, not now. The world of Midsomer has changed and it’s Neil’s territory now. I wouldn’t want to go back, except perhaps as a body (laughs).

Thankfully all 81 episodes of Midsomer Murders starring John Nettles are finally available on home video in their original broadcast order. So, like the Queen, you can now sneak into your castle with a basket full of DVDs and watch a sex god at work.

Earlier this month, former First Lady, former Senator, and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton officially declared her candidacy for President. Her announcement wasn’t held at a big rally, or a staged press conference, but instead it was made in the midst of a Twitter video about everyday Americans. Then, no sooner than the video had gone viral did Mrs. Clinton embark on a road trip to Iowa, where she could press the flesh with those everyday Americans.

The announcement strategy was designed to show that Hillary is as comfortable with high tech as she is with high fives. It is in sharp contrast to the way she ran her 2008 campaign, when she was criticized for being too aloof and unable to relate to, you guessed it, everyday Americans. It remains to be seen whether the strategy will pay off, but that, of course, depends upon how sincere Mrs. Clinton is about living up to the new image that has been created for her. Perhaps it is not her fault, but she has never been a touchy-feely person, not like her husband who is a master at it. True, Bill’s touching and feeling got a bit out of hand at times, but that’s another story.

At any rate, Hillary’s attempt at softening her persona may finally help her regain possession of the keys to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. After all, her much anticipated candidacy has already discouraged other serious Democratic contenders from even exploring a primary challenge. Meanwhile, Republicans Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, and Marco Rubio have declared, but Jeb Bush is still the presumptive favorite, so long as he can survive the right-wing-controlled GOP primaries. If there is a Bush/ Clinton contest next November, then America will further elevate one of two political dynasties, either Bush 2.5 or Clinton 2.0.

In large part, however, Hillary’s quest to be Commander-in-Chief is not so much about her potential Republican opponents, but whether she can sell voters on her transformation and her contradictory record. Here then, are three reasons why Mrs. Clinton’s toughest presidential opponent may just be the person staring back at her in the mirror.

Dove vs. Hawk

Hillary’s election to the United States Senate was due, in part, to strong support from anti-war liberals who believed that she shared their views. But in October of 2002, Clinton voted to give George W. Bush authorization to invade Iraq. Later, during her 2008 run for the White House, Hillary’s supporters gave her a pass on Iraq because she had cast her vote based on false information provided to her about the presence of WMDs. Nevertheless, Senator Barack Obama positioned himself as the peace candidate and edged out Hillary for the nomination. Ironically, once he was elected, Mr. Obama morphed into a major hawk, ordering the invasion of seven different countries in his first six years in office, and his Secretary of State supported him at every turn. The Democratic base must now decide which Hillary to believe when it comes to use of the military.

bin Laden vs. Benghazi

Speaking of the military, Hillary had no problem supporting Obama’s use of Navy SEALs to kill Osama bin Laden. That’s because bin Laden was the number one terrorist in the world and mastermind of the 9/11 attacks. For whatever reason, though, she was not as quick to deploy troops to rescue the diplomatic compound at Benghazi which was attacked by Islamic extremists. Hillary’s base might not blame her for Benghazi, but Republicans do, so she’ll have to better define and explain herself to moderates and independents if she wants to win next fall.

Transparency

Hillary’s credibility has been in question with the voting public ever since Whitewater. Later, her sincerity was questioned when she stayed married to a serial cheater, presumably just so she could remain near the seat of power and perks. Last year her believability was an issue when she said that she and Bill were broke when he left office. And just last month, her commitment to transparency took a hit when it was revealed that, while serving as Secretary of State, she sent most of her emails on a private account. Taken separately, these issues wouldn’t be a problem for Mrs. Clinton, but taken together, they could hurt her in the general election.

If Hillary can decide which Hillary she is, and convince voters to buy into it, then she will become our nation’s first female president. If not, then she will have denied herself and her gender a shot at breaking an important glass ceiling. We everyday Americans are waiting to see which way it goes.